The new girl in Gravity Falls; by Joona Irene

The ugly truth

By Joona Irene

~~Lilac POV~~

        Well, here I go again.
I suppose I should have seen this coming, since we were the same age and I was always so nice. I wasn't completely oblivious, but my time away from civilization must have been why I didn't see this from miles away. More like yards instead. Especially since Mabel was brought into it, that was when I got really worried.
        Dang.
How was I supposed to break the bad news to Dipper?
        I raced away from the shack, and instead of returning to my tree I went into a different part of the forest. I would find Dipper later once some time has passed. I must have done this a million times, in a million different ways. I stopped walking and leaned up against a tree with my back, sliding down until I was sitting. I glanced around, grateful that Bill was gone. He had disappeared into thin air last night when everybody was sleeping, leaving me alone for the first time in a long time. Of course, I'm pretty sure that his absence meant he was everywhere at once.
        "I wonder if I should be alone right now." I wondered. At a time like this I can't trust myself. These things...they always become messy. I stood and walked back to the town. I went to the Junkyard to visit McGucket. He would cheer me up.
        "Lilac!" McGucket said, clambering down from a tower of cars. I grinned.
        "Hey McGucket!" I said, embracing him in a hug.
        "Aw, what'sa matter girly?"
        "It's just..." I said, not wanting to say it. "I mean, you know about me, right?"
        "Yeah, I know." he said, patting my head. "Youra different. And scary. But nice too! And youra mah friend. So c'mon inside and tell me what'sa matter."
I went inside his little house. After the fiasco with his nightmares I'd managed to fix up his walls, so that they were one solid piece, but nothing else got done. I really wanted to get him in better living conditions, but what is a creature to do? I sat myself down on a rusted piece of metal and sighed.
        "I'm not good with romance." I explained. "Especially the human type. And that's my problem, because I just got asked out on a date."
        "Good fer you!" He cheered. I smiled, knowing he meant well.
        "Maybe it'd be good if it was some stranger." I said, then my smile disappeared. "But it's a friend. A good friend, someone close. I don't want to break his heart..."
        "Then don't do nothing." McGucket said simply.
        "I mean, I kind of have to tell him the truth. There's no way around that. I'm just worried about how to go about it. I can't court him. No way, that'd be too mean. So I was going to do it before hand...but is that the right thing to do?" I held my face in my hands.
        "Lilac, I don't know much 'bout kids these days. But I know that the heart wants what the heart wanted in the first place, and not what you trick yourself into wanting. So do what you think is right girly. I'ma not much help to ya."
        "It's okay McGucket." I said, sighing again. "I already know what I have to do. I just don't like doing it, and I've done it a million times before."

        I knocked on the door of the shack. It was about 6:30 in the evening, which seemed an appropriate time. I spent most of the day with McGucket,  playing with him in the Junkyard. I needed some time away from this, but I knew that there was no getting around it. Dipper opened the door and I noticed that he was wearing a small black bow tie.
        "You look nice." I said.
        "You do too." He offered.
        "Dipper, I want to talk-"
        "No, wait, let's just...make this quick okay? It's just one date."
        "Dipper, no, I can't."
        "What?" He asked. His face became concerned. "Lilac, I-"
        "I'm not...I just need to explain this to you. Okay? It's...well, here." I picked him up under his arms and I flew to my tree. I set him down gently on the branch I normally sat on and sat next to him. We were facing west and I sighed.
        "Now that we're alone...there are some things I want to tell you about me."
        "That's...fine." He said, eyes wide. I looked at him.
        "Sorry, I know that was sudden." I said, recalling that Humans don't normally fly.
        "We just flew." He said, still amazed. I nodded.
        "Like, through the air." Again, I nodded.
        "Wow." He said. I rolled my eyes.
        "Dipper, I wasn't given the ability to...I mean, I have no love."
        "What do you mean? Like, you're sterile?"
        "Sure, that too, but that isn't what I meant. You humans, when you look at somebody you like, your insides turn all hot and mushy, and you don't know what to say all the time, and it's a good type of strange. It's love, or lust, or adoration, or something like that. But me? I don't get that. I could look at the man of my dreams and I would just see a man. Nothing more."
        "So what your saying is..." Dipper said slowly, "That you don't like me?"
        "No, not remotely. It isn't that I don't like you, it's that I'm not capable of liking you. I've never had a crush, Dipper. I've never been in love, and I never will be in love. It isn't that I haven't met the one...trust me, I've met plenty of people who professed their profound love for me. But you should know that you could kiss me and hold my hand, and you'd feel fireworks, but all I'd feel is...skin. It's horrible. I wasn't given that ability, just like I wasn't given the ability to cry, or smell. And I want to apologize."
        "I thought that..." Dipper started, but he didn't finish. I held my hands, and wished once again that a tear could slip out of my eye. I could pretend, but it wasn't the same.
        "Dipper, I'm sorry. But I wanted to tell you before things got any more intimate. I didn't want to mislead you, and I'm sorry if I've already done that."
        "No, no, you haven't. It's," he chuckled. "It's just funny because everybody has been trying to set us up together. It seemed like the world wanted us to be together. And now I know that it's not true. I'm not sure if I like you, Lilac. You're kind and incredible and you're super sweet, and you also are really cool with all your powers and stuff. And when you laugh, I can't help but smile. But is that love? I think about you sometimes, when I'm alone of when I'm sleeping, like, in my dreams. But is that love? I don't know. I used to think that it was, but..."
        "Wendy." I said.
        "Huh?"
        "You liked Wendy, and when you were denied a relationship with her, you became scared to get denied any other relationship. You didn't want to become rejected again."
        "That sounds....possible." He said, thinking it over. "But maybe that isn't it."
        "That is it."
        "Well, we'll see. But, anyway, I do like you. I'm just not sure in what way."
        "That's good, I guess. When you figure it out, let me know. Just...please, remember what I said. I don't want you to have false hope. The most we can ever be is...friends. For me, anyways. If you want, I could...go along with it. I'll kiss you back and smile when I see you, and I could be your girlfriend if you really want. But I want you to keep in mind that I have no fireworks, no mushy, no warmth inside. You're my friend, Dipper. And I want you to be happy."
        "Did you ever pretend for anyone?"
        "Multiple times."
        "Really?"
        "Sure." I said with a small shrug. "It isn't that hard. I spent their life with them, and when they died of old age I moved on."
        "So you've been married?"
        "Yeah."
        "How many times?"
        "Four times."
        "And you pretended to be in love with them, and they were okay with that?"
        "They loved me to pieces." I said simply, sadly. "They never wanted me to leave. They adored me so much that life without me, to them, was horrible. So I stayed, lived in their house, cooked their food, cleaned their house, did all sorts of romantic things, and when they died, I buried them, and then moved on."
        "How old are you?"
        "I don't even know anymore. The last time I counted I was...let's see, over nine hundred? But how long ago that was I don't remember. So much life...so much death...so much boredom."
        "I'm sorry Lilac."
        "Did I ever tell you my real name?"
        "I don't think so."
        "I told Bill. Do you want to know?"
        "Yeah, why not."
        "Naruma."
        "Naruma?"
        "Yep, that's it."
        "So your real name is Naruma." Dipper said, with awe. "Thanks. But, if it's okay...I'd like to call you Lilac, still."
        "That's fine by me. The way I see it, the black, powerful eternal me is Naruma. That's the thing that's been around for so long, that's the thing that's...killed..." I blinked, clearing away the bad memories. "And this me...this little girl, is Lilac Whites. She was an orphan I found a while ago, and she was like a little ray of sunshine. So happy and cheerful all the time, no matter what. When she died I took her name and tried to be like her, to keep her memory alive. I want to be like her. Not like Naruma, even if that's who I really am."
        "I think you are who you want to be, not who you were." Dipper said.
        "Thanks." I said softly.
It was quiet after that, and the sun was starting to go down. We watched it together, and Dipper held my hand but that was fine by me. I knew it was in friendship anyways. I felt happy that he accepted the truth, and wasn't angry about it or nervous. He was a good friend, one of the best. He accepted me and that was more than I could wish for.