Tomorrow And Back {UNDER MAJOR EDITING}

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Maya
Today was the worst day of my life Josh's funeral I was slowly dying inside of what's happening I put on water proof mascara and more water proof stuff so when I cry I won't look horrible right now I'm putting Kaleila and Olivia into they're dresses Caleb and Cameron are with Lucas to get them dressed
2 hours later 4:37
Lucas is driving to the destination with me and the kids I was currently playing Tenerife sea because I just needed comfort and I needed and understanding of what's happening we finally pull up we pull into a parking space and Lucas stops the car I knew he knew what I needed so he leaned over and hugged me I collapsed into his arms and cried I couldn't hold my wall anymore life has finally beaten me after all these years just one person made me hurt now that he's gone I hurt to much I feel as if one by one a soldier being shot down feeling pain throughout me I can't take it it hurts like I'm dying along with it I can't do it no more it's so fucking hard too do this without josh he was my rock in this ocean and now that rock is gone and I'm being taken out by a wave and taken out into the sea at least I have Riley with me so I'm not alone through this after about five minutes of crying into Lucas' shoulder I released myself and Lucas looked at me "I have something for you josh told me to give this too you after he was gone he said don't read it until your alone so all of us got one he knew he was running out of time so he wrote everyone a 1 to 2 page latter except for you you got a 5 page letter you were special even I got one I haven't read it yet though I'm gonna read it today though after the funeral"he said and with that handed me a envelope that had the word written on the front 'Maya' I couldn't do it what was I suppose too do after realising Josh wrote me a letter I didn't get too say goodbye with that me and Lucas got out I grabbed Kaleila and held Caleb's hand we walked onto the barial ground and walked over to a group of people I saw Riley walked over too her and collapsed into her arms and cried after awhile josh was being lowered down into the grave it took all of me not to cryt but I couldn't help it and started to cry who woildntr when you have feelings real feelings for someone you cry even though you try not too you have too you don't have a choice after I was done crying I wlkeds off note in hand and found a picnic table and sat there in the rain I opened the letter and started to read
Dear,Maya
I knew I didn't have a lot of time and I'm sorry I wish I could be there with you I don't know when I'll die but I know I will be dead by the time your reading this and I'm sorry I wasn't strong enough to push through for you and the kids and I know that you are trying to bere this and live without me and I know its probably hard and I see the way Lucas looks at you so don't be afraid to be with him I know deep down you feel something for him and I know you probably will hate me for saying this bite don't be afrausd to fall in love with him I know you would say the same thing for me make sure to give the kids a kiss from me everyday and tell Caleb and Kaleila I love them very much and tell them um sorry I couldn't see them when they were older and I won't be able to walk Kaleila down the aisle and I won't be able too sent them getting married tell them I wish I was there with you guys just to be there and hold you hpguys get into fight over boys with Kaleila and scold calkeb for something tell Lucas to do all that for me and make sure your are fine with life before you go and put that wall of yours back up cause I know you will don't run Maya please no more I miss you and I'm gonna die of cancer eventually maybe I wasn't meant for a 'Happily ever after' after all but you know what that's okay because I got too be with the girl of my dreams Maya Hart I'm sorry we faught so much and I'm sorry we didn't have more time um sorry I pushed you away and him sorry I wasn't by you when you needed me the most because u know I was wrong for doing that and I regret every last day u have on this earth with you and everyone else because leaving your was the worst mistake I have ever made and I love you Maya Hart never will there a day that goes by when I'm dead that I won't love you cause you are perfection never ever forget that okewase for me and remember one thing Maya Hart I will see you again in another life time in another lifetime was our happily ever after in another lifting e was our forever but in one lifetime it was this and I'm sorry goodbye Maya Hart girl of my dreams I'll see you soon
~Josh