In My Dark Times - The Deal With The Demon

Chapter Eleven

I leaned against his dresser, closing my eyes.

"Harry, don't be scared to tell me the truth," he whispered as he got up and stood directly in front of me, "I promise I won't think less of you if you say you did have feelings for him."

I bit my lip and looked away, "I didn't have feelings for him. I found him interesting when I was younger. And when I met him again here, I... I liked the things he gave me. He wasn't always terrible... in fact, for a while, he was great. It wasn't a relationship... I felt like it was more like a friendship. He didn't treat me bad... not at first. But if I tried to start dating, he was terrible."

"So, you were friends," he said softly, keeping his arms crossed while he stared at me.

"I... I guess," I stuttered, "I told you, he apologized to me, we talked, and I forgave him. I'm not one to hold grudges against anyone, no matter what they have done to me."

"That's... wow. I'm actually... I don't know what to say," he managed to whisper, "I don't think I could ever have that sort of mentality if someone had done that to me, Harry. I respect that, I do, but I just don't see how."

"Lou," I sighed, "I hate him still for what he did to me. I hate everything he has become. He wasn't like this. He pretended to care when I first ran into him again. He made me feel comfortable with him again, just like he did when I was 16. But... I liked that he offered me things. And... I did finally give in to him a few months after being at university. I would stay at his flat a lot... Zayn hated it. He told me how stupid I was being. But I didn't listen to him. I was 18 when he introduced me to this world of drugs and materials. He would literally give me anything I asked for. And most of the time, I didn't have to ask for it. He just offered it to me. And I think deep down, I did care what I was doing, but I hadn't realized it yet... not until I met you."

"I understand," he quietly replied.

"You probably think I brought all of this on myself now, don't you?" I asked staring at him.

"I don't think that," he whispered, "I think a lot of it could've been avoided if you hadn't of given in to him again. But, I get that he offered you a world of things and experiences, and you probably felt like he was a friend."

I stayed quiet and looked away. I blamed myself. I blamed myself for not telling at 16. I blamed myself for even forgiving him. I blamed myself for it all.

"How many times did you tell him no?" He asked studying me.

"Uh, a good bit," I sighed, "when he first made a move on me I got so fucking pissed. I told you I ended up at his flat... I was already drunk and high before he ever slipped anything in my drink. I woke up the next morning and I couldn't remember anything that had happened. He told me I had drank too much at the pub and that I wasn't thinking clearly, so he took me to his place."

"So, how do you know he slipped it in your drink?" He asked.

"Zayn," I replied feeling ashamed all over again, "Zayn swore to me that he had and I straight up told him he didn't. I told Zayn I didn't believe him... that I didn't think he'd do that to me... but when I stayed at his flat, I found the stuff Zayn described. I felt horrible, Lou, for calling him a liar. I should've known better. Zayn would never lie to me about anything. I chose to believe Darren over him, more than one time."

"Sounds to me like maybe deep down you wanted to believe Darren," he started, "don't get upset by me saying that... I just mean, if you believed him over Zayn you already were in too deep. You were choosing him over your real friends. I don't know a lot about him, Harry, but the one thing he isn't is a good friend. Good friends don't take advantage of you. Good friends don't drug you just so they can take you home. Good friends definitely don't bribe you with shit to get you to spend time with them."