Daddy's Little Soldier

Letter 16

From: Oliver Stone.
Age: 18
To: Gus Johnson.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I didn't write you in a while, I know, and I'm sorry but Taylor...
Taylor suicided.
Taylor tried to kill herself.
And she did.
She tried to play with the fine string between life and death.
And luck chose death for her.
My sister chocked herself to death.
And she died.

Mom had a heart attack,
And here's she, on her death bed, playing with the same fine string of life and death, hoping that luck would be on her side and choose death.

Taylor has been hanging around bad guys lately, she came home lately and it was no question that she was drunk, hence why she stumbled around the house, threw up and collapsed somewhere on her way to bed, only to have me dragging her to bed, or carrying her if I had the strength, which was one or two times.
I can't believe I wasn't eating so she can get high and wear the tightest clothes.
Mom and I told her we weren't proud of where she's going.
But she yelled at us, she snapped and yelled leave me alone! That's who I am, if you don't want me, then don't talk to me.

I told her daddy wouldn't be proud of her if he saw her like this, I told her daddy isn't proud of her.
You know what she told me?
I don't care, I don't care about him or mom or anything or anyone, especially you, abusive shît!
It wasn't only her who cried that night.
I cried with her too. In my room of course, on my own pillow.

I knew she didn't forgive me.
This is an unforgivable mistake.
Then I realised, Taylor wasn't the only one daddy's wasn't proud of.
Daddy's isn't proud of me, also.
I hit my sister, I slapped her, I abused my sister.
And the best part was that I did it in front of my mother.

So, on behalf of my amazing older sister, Taylor. This letter will be about her.
Taylor didn't talk a lot with me lately, ever since her money for college was stolen.
She sighed after she cried and she said it's okay, and she continued working at the bistro.
Taylor wanted to be an editor really bad, she wanted to bring us money, she wanted mom to be okay.
Taylor also had a weird taste in music, weird books, she was obsessed with quotes and was always grumpy for 20 minutes after she woke up. She loved coffee like any other teen, but she served it instead of hanging out with her friends who drank coffee.

I get it now, seeing everyone's life 'perfect', she couldn't do it anymore.
And now, every time I see two siblings I have this urge to walk to them and ask them how they do it.
Because I suck. I let my sister die. She drowned in her sadness, she sank and I couldn't get her out.
Mom said that killing ourselves is a sin. Taylor sinned, Taylor will go to hell, Taylor is gone.
But I still love her.

Oliver.