Burning Up Like Neon Lights

Am I Dreaming?

Nick

I couldn't get my hopes up. I was getting really tired of her game & I didn't want to play it anymore. I was tired of it. I was tired of the way I felt every time she did or said something like this. I stared at her, for a moment, then I started glaring at her. I could feel my heart racing & my body trembling with anger & confusion. "I am so sick of this!" I finally blurted out as I stomped past her to the fridge. I grabbed a bottle of water, wishing it was something stronger & guzzled it. I wiped my mouth as I turned to look at her scared face.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean that." Demi choked out as she kept her eyes on me.

I rolled my eyes as a sarcastic chuckle escaped my lips. "Yes, you did. You're fucking playing with my emotions. The mixed messages are giving me a headache, Demi. This is what I'm talking about with the mixed messages you seemed confused about." I motioned with my hand toward her as I clicked my tongue in disgust. "I got my hopes up when you texted me about that song, then ten minutes later, my hopes get shattered. Then you act jealous when you ask about girls I'm rumored to be dating. I say something & you give me some lame excuse that you're looking out for me. Then today you message me & want to hang out & I get my hopes up again... then the hopes are lifted even more when I hear you told Delta all that." I swallowed as I felt myself getting emotional. It was either emotional from being angry or hurt or frustrated, or maybe all three. "Once again I get my hopes shattered when I see your fucking tweet with the conversation between you & Wilmer. Relationship goals as fuck. That's you two. So what the fuck are you doing here & why the fuck do you care about Delta wanting to try again with me? You never loved me like she loved me, so why do you care? I just don't get you." I was shaking my head & she was just looking at me with her weepy eyes. I slammed the water bottle down on the counter & started to pace.

"You're right. I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?" I laughed, sarcastically. "What a fucking joke. You don't give a shit that every day when I see you or you call me I am hoping & praying that it will be the day you're gonna tell me you made a mistake & that you are in love with me & that you want me instead of Wilmer. I am trying to move on, Demi. I'm not really ready to get serious with someone, but I feel like I need to talk to girls or go on dates just to forget about you. I see the fucking comments you make on his pictures or the tweets to him or the interviews where you gush about him. You're happy & you're gonna be with him forever. I am trying so hard to move on knowing that, but when you act like you're jealous, it's confusing as fuck to me."

"I'm sorry." She whispered.

"Stop saying you're sorry! Just stop fucking with my head!" I yelled out as I threw my hands up, then ran one hand over my head. I took a few deep breaths to calm down before I spoke again. "Jesus, Demi, I am happy for you, don't get me wrong. Your happiness is what is most important to me. I just can't keep doing this. You don't want me to move on. Why not? Don't you want me to be happy? I mean you broke up with me. You ended our relationship. You said you weren't in love with me. Remember?"

She nodded her head, slowly. "I remember, Nick. And I do want you to be happy. Please know that." She sighed & pressed her lips together as she looked down at the floor. When she started speaking again, her head was tilted down so I couldn't see her face. "I know people say it isn't possible, but I'm here to tell you it is very possible to be in love with two people at the same time. Because I am in love with Wilmer and.....I am in love with you." She lifted her head as her sentence was ending.

I blinked a few times & sucked in my breath. I wasn't expecting her to say that since she had told me she wasn't in love with me a year before, so it threw me off guard. "You... you're in love with me?" My heart was beating so fast in my chest, it was hard to breathe. "You told me you weren't in love with me. You told me it was only lust you felt for me. You broke up with me because you weren't in love with me....I don't understand." I choked on my words.