Dear Ana,

A Fortiori

I woke up panting, I was crying too.
I've been having bad dreams.
I squinted my eyes at my alarm clock, it was 3:15 AM.
Lately this has been happening a lot.
My stomach felt empty and hollow.
I walked to the bathroom and drank some water.
"You know you love the emptiness."

I crawled back into bed and tried to sleep more. Thankfully it was summer vacation, I didn't have a lot planned in the mornings.
"It's not like you have any friends anyway."

I keep hearing her voice.
It's haunting me. I can't sleep, I can't eat normally.
I tried to think about romantic movies and nice memories to help me sleep.
Eventually I dosed off.

"Sweetie, are you up yet?"
A knock on the door and my mother's voice made me groan in an annoyed way. "What?" I sighed irritatedly at her.
"I'm going to meet your dad for lunch at his work, but I forgot to get dinner. I left some money on the table and a list. Do you think you could stop by the supermarket?"
"Yeah, yeah."
I tried to stop her talking, I think I would've agreed to anything seeing as I just woke up.

I managed to get myself together around 2 pm and headed out to the supermarket.

I walked down the numerous shopping aisles with mom's list in hand.
I proceeded to check off all the items, but when I was looking for the cheddar, I passed the cookie-sweets-aisle.
Just ignore the goods...

I couldn't help myself and grabbed two bags of Hershey kisses.
I won't eat them all..

When I turned the corner at the end of the aisle, someone bumped into me.
"I'm sorry, miss"
Miss?
I looked at the boy in the supermarket apron. He was looking at me as if he expected an answer. Only then did I realise that he asked me if I was okay.
"I'm fine!" I blurted out, rather loudly.

The boy surprised me, especially his looks. He looked sweet with his hazel eyes and curly brown hair.
He looks kinda familiar too.

"Do I know you?" I asked him, my cheeks seem to be blushing quite a bit.
The boy smiled. "I think you might, we go to the same high school."
"That's probably it." I replied, though I feel like I should know his name.

The boy seemed to understand my slight struggle, or he didn't know my name either.
"My name is Evan, Evan Gansey. I think we've got chemistry together."
He smiled again and reached out his hand.
I received his hand and tried to shake it elegantly.
"I'm Amy Adams. I think you might be right."

I felt slightly embarrassed, mainly because of my poor choice of fashion.
Sweats and trainers.

We said goodbye and a quick 'see you at school, have a nice summer'. And I headed back home.

At home, I unpacked the groceries and sent mom a text that I had bought everything.
I wasn't really thinking when I opened the bag of Hershey kisses.
I grabbed a handful and disappeared upstairs.
I opened a wrapper and put the chocolate in my mouth.
"You can't eat that"
The voice in my head screamed at me.
I felt guilty, but I don't quite know why.

I spit the chocolate out into my trash.
I can't eat that..