Fighting For Avery

What If?

"Hurry, Charlotte, we don't have much time," Mom exclaimed through the hospital's bathroom door. 

I cupped another handful of faucet water into my hands and splattered it onto my face. What will I say to Avery? Will she be back in school? Should I ask? Or would I look completely stupid? What in the world do I do..? I looked up at my reflection. My eyes were red and swollen. I blinked as many times as I could before I dried my face and left the bathroom.

"Room 514. Let's go," I said spotting my mom sitting on a bench, not wanting to overthink the situation. 

This is it. 

After walking down about four endless halls, Mom and I spotted a nurse in front of room 514, looking at us from the distance. Were we expected? We stepped closer to the lady, who was now standing by a cart full of dirty plates and dishes. 

"Er, hi," my mother said to the nurse.

MARIA, it read on the lady's name tag. She wore a pink button-down shirt along with matching-colored pants. Her shiny auburn hair was tied into a neat bun.

"Oh, hi there. You must be visiting Miss King?" the woman said.

Her voice sounded sweet like spring.

"Yes," my mother answered confidently.

"I'd be glad to let you in, but first, may I talk to you both for a minute?"

I glared at my mom, puzzled. "Sure," she said.

"If you don't mind me asking, who is Avery in relation to you, sweetie?"

I answered, "I'm Charlotte, and Avery is my best friend."

The Nurse spoke, "Hi Charlotte, Avery has only been here for about a week or so. She has been put on chemotherapy since last Friday. She's had some small breakdowns, and so has her mother; I think she'll make it through---"

"Alive?!" I questioned abruptly.

"Charlotte!" my mother yelled, disappointed.

The nurse didn't know how to respond. I felt my cheeks turn rosy red as I covered my left hand over my mouth. What if Avery heard me? 

After a moment of silence, I said softly, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean--" 

My words trailed off into the quiet.

"No, it's alright. Quite a lot of young people around here worry about the death of their loved ones," Maria stated. "It's not my place to tell them that their family and friends'll make it through guaranteed. I'm sorry, dear. I just don't want to get your hopes up too high. On a second note, who's to say she won't? There are many cases of survival from various types of cancers here at South County. You know what they say, hon, 'Pray for the best but expect the worse?'"

I nodded slightly, looking down at the floor.

"I tell you what, how about we make a deal?" the nurse asked me. "You visit her as much as you can to keep her company, and we'll do everything we can to help her try to get better. Sound like a plan?"

"Okay, I will. Please, please don't let her die," I begged, sounding desperate.

"Alright. Well enough of this. I'll let you see Avery now," Maria escorted us into the room.

"Thank you so much," I mouthed.

I took a few slow steps towards the door and then quickly entered the room, followed by my mother. 

There Avery lay on the small bed, dressed in a white cloth hospital gown with a blanket over her. Here she was after so long. Here, in this lonely, hopeless hospital room. Maryanne, her mom, was sitting beside her, with Avery's right hand in hers. There were two tubes attached to Avery's wrist. I took a few steps closer to the bed.

"Avery!" I shouted enthusiastically, hugging her, trying to make her feel cheerful. "I'm really sorry. Really, I am. But you'll be okay. I promise."

She chuckled softly, "I don't want sympathy, Char. I know you've received news. I missed you. But I'm a little scared. Mom tells me not to think about it but sometimes I can't help it." 

"Your mom's right, Avery," I said, glancing at Maryanne. "On the other hand, people at school have asked about you. A lot of teachers are worried, too. How are you feeling?"

Her hair was thinning. I could spot the receding hairline on her forehead. Down at her arm, I saw her scars. I bit my lower lip. She was so skinny. Avery looked so different. 

"I feel nauseous from time-to-time and my appetite's been a little weird, but I'm okay right now."

I looked her in the eye and smiled, "Good."

I asked both my mother and Maryanne if we could have some privacy for a moment. They stepped out of the room. 

"Charlotte.. Can I tell you something?" Avery asked hesitantly.

"Anything," I replied.

"Um.. I wouldn't mind if I died from this. I'm not saying I'm hoping I'll die. But I wouldn't mind. I hate myself. I hate my life. What's the point anymore?"

"Avery! Don't say that. Please, don't think--"

"Some people just aren't meant to fit in in this world. They're just meant to be outcasts. They're only alive so that other people can pick on them. They're the scapegoats. The targets. They don't belong. It's not fair.."

"That's not true at all! You know it's not true. Please don't think like that. Please, Avery? It's not true. I can't imagine high school without you. Since second grade, remember?"

I crossed my fingers.

"What if I do die? What will you do?" she asked, "what if?"

"I don't want to think about that right now. Can we please stop talking about this? Avery, for once in your life can you just stop? Stop talking about dying. Stop being so freaking depressed. I don't want to think about it anymore. Even if it's not me. Just stop it. Do it for me. For your mom. For everyone that cares about you. You won't die. You'll live to be healthy. You'll come back to school. With me. You'll go back home, relieved. I know it. I just know it. We'll have sleepovers every night in the summer, you and me. We'll watch your favorite horror movies until dawn. I promise you. Come on, Avery."

I took a step back and sighed, "I'm sorry."

Avery looked at me for a moment with a blank expression on her face. She propped the back of her head on the pillow and shut her eyes.

I cried that night.