Rebecca's POV
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I had just got finished crying again. Ha. Again. That's all I've done lately. Cry. I'm just a big baby.
Seriously though, I'm still really sad about Ryan and I feel really bad about running out on Ricky.
I deserve it, though. I'm a whore. That's all I'll ever be.
I've been nothing but a slut since I was sixteen. Here I am, twenty-five years old with the mentality of a teenager. I'm fucking pathetic.
I heard a knock on my bedroom door.
"Come in" I said.
The doorknob turned and Ryan-Ashley came in.
"Hey, I just wanted to apologize about earlier. I was just looking out for you like a good friend should" she stated.
"I know. You don't have to be sorry because Ricky and I's friendship might not continue" I told her.
"How come?" She asked.
"I ran out on Ricky" I answered.
"Why?" She asked.
"Well, Ricky invited me over. I said sure, he came and got me, then when we got to his place, we sat on the couch, I played with his hair, he turned over, licked my stomach. I pushed him off of the couch, he pulled me down with him, we wrestled until he ended up on top of me and we almost kissed. I panicked and ran out and I feel really bad about doing that" I explained.
"I don't blame you, Bec. You just got out of a relationship, it wouldn't be a good idea to rush into things like you did with Ryan, but I could be wrong because you and Ryan lasted pretty long considering that you two barely knew a thing about each other" she replied.
"I still feel bad. I feel like I led him on" I said.
"You didn't lead him on" she said.
"I feel like I did though, because I know he still has feelings for me" I told her.
"Sit him down and tell him that you don't want to interact with him in a romantic way, but you'd like to be friends with him and tell him that maybe in the future you two could try again... Just a suggestion" she replied.
"I think I'll try that. I'll apologize for running out on him and tell him that. If I got over him, Ryan and I would still be together" I told her.
"You can't control your feelings. It wasn't like you slept with Ricky on multiple occasions, it was a drunken mistake. It still doesn't excuse it, but you know what I'm getting at" she stated.
"I know... Bad things only happen when alcohol is involved. I wouldn't be surprised if I'm pregnant honestly" I chuckled nervously at the end of my statement.
"Well... I'd be on edge if I were you, especially since you haven't had very good luck with carrying children" she warned.
"I am on edge, and as bad as this sounds, I think it was a good thing I didn't have either of those kids because I wasn't ready to be a mother, I'm still not" I told her.
"Well... I'd support you anyway it goes, Josh will too and Ryan and Ricky would definitely be supportive because they're caring. Anyway it goes, you have support" she said.
"I'm probably not pregnant but thank you, I'll probably talk to Richard, tomorrow" I said.
"You're welcome, and we're having spaghetti for dinner, is that okay?" She asked.
"Hell yeah!" I said.
Now to devise a way to talk to Ricky about this...
