When I Die

Chapter 1

The hospital smelled like death. You know that smell that hits your nose when you walk into the hospital? The smell of medicine, drugs, and medical equiptment? That's what I smelled the first day I stepped into a hospital when I was just a kid. That was the day I was dianosed with Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. It's a condition in the heart that makes it hard for the heart to pump blood. The heart never relaxes as it is busy trying to pump blood to your body.

Since I was four, I have cheated death 3 times. Once when I was 6 when I passed out on the school playground. The second time was when I was 12 when I was on my grandparents ranch and passed out while walking to the stables. The third time was just 6 months ago. After passing out while on a drive to the beach for a family trip. That was the time they decided to implant a pacemaker and since then it's made me feel a little bit better but every once in awhile I get very tired and feel like I'm gonna faint. I just need more rest than the normal person but I don't see it doing any good.

My Dad decided to get me checked out 6 months after I got the pacemaker. It was a normal check up for me. Most teenagers just have the regular check up that last like 20 minutes and then they can leave. My check ups took more than an hour as they put me through MRI's and X-rays to see how my pacemaker was doing.

But this check up wasn't like the rest. I ended up having to be there for about 3 hours.

After the MRI and the normal test they do on me, I and my Dad sat in the doctor's office waiting for the doctor to come back with my test results like he does every time I'm here. They, for some reason, ended up doing extra test on me today.

The doctor walked in about half an hour after they did the tests. I could never tell if his face reflected good news or bad news. He just had one of those faces that never show any emotion.

When the doctor, who's name is Dr. Stewart, walked over to us my Dad stood up, placing a hand on my shoulder as he allowed the doctor to speak.

"Tori," Dr. Stewart said while looking at me and then looked up at my Dad. My Dad had a worried look on his face by the tone of the doctor's voice. "Your heartbeats are decreasing and your blood flow is slowing. Your heart muscle is becoming stiff. Not bad stiff but will lead to a very stiffed heart muscle within a few months. There are many complications going on with your heart at the moment that there's nothing we can do to help. But the pacemaker should help you out for as long as it can."

"What's that suppose to mean?" Dad chimmed in. He had his arms crossed with an unreadable expression on his face.

"Dad," I began, "he means I will die."

Dad placed both of his hands on my shoulders. "No, that's not going to happen. Not to my daughter."

"I'm sorry, Tom." Said Dr. Stewart. "There's not much we can do. We can bring her in for regular check ups and increase the medication she needs that will help out to make her live a little longer, but I'm sorry. It's not gonna last long. The medication we will subscribe will help her heart to pump more normally but the blood flow will slow from time to time. But I'm sorry, she won't last more than a year."

My Dad and I just stared at the doctor. "What am I suppose to do now?" I asked.

"I suggest to try and do as much as you can while you still can."

I turned to my Dad, seeing tears in his eyes, I pulled him to sit down in the chair beside me and wrapped him in a hug, leaning my head on his shoulders as he leaned in and gave me a kiss on the head.

"You are allowed to go. If there are any problems, feel free to call us." The doctor said and walked out, leaving me and my Dad alone with our thoughts.