Chasing Boundaries (Parallel Rhythms Series 1)

Chapter 10

I was unconsciously running. Hindi ko na alam kung saan ako dinala ng mga paa ko. The next thing I knew, I was now surrounded with silence. Humikbi ako nang ma-realize na nasa likod na pala ako ng building namin.

It was quiet. Beautifully quiet. There was no one around. Good then. The only sound that were entering my ears were the gentle sound of the gust of the winds, the sound of leaves being swept away, and the sound of the birds beautifully singing.

I sat on the clean Bermuda grass as I wiped my tears away.

Everything was just... tiring. I just needed to think. I just needed my own space.

I just felt myself weakening. Marahan akong napahiga mula sa kinauupuan ko, hindi inaalintana ang kati na dulot ng Bermuda grass.

I let my tears flow freely as I stared at the sky. The argentine sky was dull, like it wanted to sympathize with me. But it doesn't seem like it would rain, it was not heavy enough.

I forcefully shut my eyes, letting my tears cascade on the side of my eyes. Mahina akong humikbi nang maramdaman ang kakaibang sakit.

Fuck. Ang sakit naman niyang mahalin. God, I'm not even sure if I'm already in love with him, yet he's already making me experience a heartbreak.

I'm not sure with anything anymore. Nasasaktan na ako. How he's making me feel makes me question my worth. Am I really just a toy for him? Because how could he make me feel so special but break my heart afterwards?

One second, he was smiling at me sweetly, dearly, like I was the most beautiful woman he has laid his eyes on. Ipaparamdam niya sa akin ang kakaibang pakiramdam na nagpapalipad ng mga paruparo sa loob ko. He would say special things to me, words that shall only be told to someone you love. He would make my face glow crimson, make my knees tremble, and make my heart thump faster.

But next second, he would break my heart and treat everything as a joke. He would laugh at me, which I unconsciously find as an insult to my heart. He would treat me poorly, frivolously, like I am just some kind of a joke. He would make my castles crumble in an instant. My high hopes, down to the ground.

His heartfelt words are like blooming flowers given especially for me, yet his aftershocks is like a foul scent, making the flowers wither in an instant.

And as roses withers, it comes for another.

His withered roses are infectious, which my heart willingly caught, making it wither from pain.

Napakasakit isipin na halos hindi ko na alam kung ano ang dapat kong maramdaman.

But there was always conflict on my mind. Because despite how he made me feel, despite how he unconsciously broke my heart, and despite everything; there was still hope written on the back of my heart.

There was a part of me, believing that everything he said was actually genuine. May parte sa puso ko na mas pipiliin na lang na masaktan at paniwalaan ang kaniyang mga sinasabi.

It was as if I was yearning for his love too much, that even if I'm already hurting, I was willing to be a martyr, just to at least wholeheartedly accept his withered roses as blooming marigolds.

I was too engrossed with the thought of him liking or even loving me back, that I am willing to endure that pain and pretend that everything he was saying were genuine facts.