Chasing Boundaries (Parallel Rhythms Series 1)

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

What is love? How does it feels like? How do you know you have such a deep feeling for someone already? Paano mo malalaman kung ang isang tao ay nahuhulog na? Because fuck! I don't know how to address what I'm feeling anymore.

The feeling is not foreign to me. Noong junior high school naman ako ay nagkaroon naman ako ng mga crush. I had a fair share of crushes and I also liked someone before. Pero hindi ito naging mas malalim pa roon. Hindi ko rin pina-planong palalimin pa kung ano man ang nararamdaman ko sa isang tao.

That's just how my mindset is. I always prioritize my studies over boys. I never had a fling, kahit yung sinasabi nilang talking stage ay hindi ko naranasan. Hindi pa ako nakapag-entertain ng mga taong nag-confess at nagkagusto sa akin.

It's not because I'm afraid, it's because I see relationships as a thing I can always push aside to prioritize what is more important first. Love can always wait, that's what they said, right? At para sa akin, mas importante ang kinabukasan ko. Makapaghihintay naman ang taong para sa akin 'di ba? I won't force myself to find the one for me. Instead, I'll let fate bring that someone voluntarily, on the right time.

But seeing him right now? Sitting on a swing while staring at the starry night sky? I couldn't help but ask: is he the one? Is this the right time? And did fate bring him to me?

How the heck should I tell my heart to calm down? When just the mere sight of his side profile is enough to abruptly make my whole being tremor. Pa'no ko pa pipigilan ang naghuhuramentado kong puso?

Is this love? Is this what they call the sensual affection that can make a difference in someone's life? Kung ang presensiya niya ba ay sapat nang dahilan para manghina ang mga tuhod ko ay maaari na bang tawaging malalim and nararamdaman ko? Cause if yes, then I'm down for it.

I averted my gaze as I noticed that I was staring at him too intently. Kung nakakatunaw lang ang pagtitig ay siguradong naka-lupasay na siya ngayon sa lupa. I shook my head before gazing at the quiet darkness of the night sky. Glimpse of the lights of the stars gently made the night sky glimmer.

"Hindi ko naman talaga gustong sumali sa Eco-Modelo. Pumayag na lang ako kasi wala na akong magagawa. Ako ang gusto nila, at ayoko silang biguin." I sighed as I stated those words. He asked me if I really was forced to join the competition.

I never really wanted to participate on the pageant. Because competitions had already left a void inside my heart. It was one of the aspects why I can't bare to choose myself over my sister. Ngunit kalaunan, natuto akong pagbigyan ang mga taong umaasa sa akin. I even got forced to enter beauty pageants again! Can you believe it?

"Is it weird if I tell you that I like the stars more than the moon?" tulala akong napatitig sa kaniya nang namutawi ang mga salitang iyon sa mula sa kaniyang labi. Anong konek?!

Nakita ko ang tipid niyang ngiti bago niya iniwas ang tingin sa madilim na kalangitan at bumaba ito sa akin. Mas lumawak ang kaniyang mga ngiti nang tinitigan niya ako, mata sa mata.

"The moon is dependent, while the stars can shine on their own." nakatitig lamang ako sa kaniya habang nagsasalita siya. Walang salitang lumalabas sa aking bibig.

We were seated on separate swings. Magkatabi lang ang swings na inuupuan namin kaya't malaya kaming nakakapag-usap. Humawak ako sa kadena na sumusuporta sa platform na inuupuan ko bago ako naglabas ng puwersa sa aking paa upang itulak ang sarili. I swung the swing as I gazed down.

"People can be like the stars, Harley. We can be independent. Unlike the moon, we don't need the help of the sun to radiate our own light. H'wag tayong tumulad sa buwan; na kung wala ang araw, paniguradong hindi rin ito mabubuhay."