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XIV- Atkins

XIV - Atkins

My fingers keep fumbling with themselves as I try to tame my rapid breaths. My legs are shaking involuntarily, and I try to close my eyes and relax.

Breathe Rory... it'll be fine... just calm down...

My heart is galloping inside my chest, beating hard against my sternum and it feels like it might break free any moment. I swallow multiple times, to regain the moisture in my throat, which for some reason feels as dry as sandpaper.

The noisy shuffles coming from the crowd around me as people try to find their seats and place their belongings is the thing I try to focus on, so as to divert my attention. But it doesn't work how I thought it would.

In a few hours, I'll be in Wales, my home. I'll my in the mansion where I grew up (at least during the holidays). And most importantly, I will have to face my biggest fear at the moment: my father.

It's been four months since I last went there. I returned back to London furious and determined to not come back unless it is an emergency. My periodic feuds with mother being the sole reason. And now I'm going back, I don't even know what happens when I go back there.

I'm not scared of my mother's reaction, not at all. We've never been on good terms and I couldn't give more of a fuck about what she thinks of me.

But dada, it would break my heart into a million pieces to see the disappointed look in his face. If he really is ashamed of me.... I don't know what I'd do...

"Hey," a hand on mine sends a jolt of electricity through my arm, making me snap my head up only to find a concerned expression on Louis's face as he rests his hand on mine "Are you okay?" He gives it a light squeeze which is supposed to comfort me, but it sorta makes a weird feeling inside.

"Uh... Yeah, just nervous, that's all." I put the most fake smile I could possibly muster, but the persistence of his frown told me he could see right through it.

"Do you want anything?" He asks again, this time turning more to my side making our knees brush against each oter, "I mean, you can talk to Liam if you're not feeling fine. I'm sure you wouldn't want to have a umm..."

"I won't have a panic attack, Louis." I assured him, this time with a real smile. It was cute to see him feeling so concerned over me. "I mean, I'm not sure of it, but I'll try." My heart beats faster, but I'm not nervous, or scared. it's just that his hand is still there, resting on mine and his warm skin seems to overwhelm my heart.

He smiled back, those adorable crinkles forming at the side if his deep blue eyes.

"What are you thinking about?"

Your beautiful eyes...

"Erm... I was uh... just what happens when we get there." I shrug, feeling like an insect under a microscope in his intense stare. "I'm scared of their reaction, and I'm scared of lying to my father... you know, about us."

He nods, "It's okay if you don't want to lie to them. I just wanted to help."

I shake my head denying his statement, "I don't want to, but this is the only way." I sigh, "I just love him too much to look at him straight in the eye and lie."

He nods with a ghost of a smile playing on his lips before he squeezes my hand again. Ugh! He needs to stop doing that, it makes me feel all mushy from the inside.

"What?" I ask.

He shakes his head, "When the baby is born, I hope he or she loves me as much as you love your father."

This is the first time we ever discussed about the baby, it was like we had a secret agreement never to talk about it, but he seems to have broken it. And his words, they cause my face to heat up and a sense of warmth in my heart.