Dragons See Dragonflies - J.H

Seventeen.

All of my devotion turned violent.

I could hear him rolling a cigarette under the table and it took every ounce of me to not look. Hearing his sobs in the church last week had left a wake of hurt in my heart that I didn't think could still feel. It was hard for me to come to terms with the fact that the boy beside me, my mate, had feelings for me that he had begged to get rid of.
I wondered what he would do if I fulfilled my fantasies of brushing his hair back from his eyes and kissing his cheek, complimenting him then continuing with my work as if it never happened. I wondered if he'd stop me. Better not find out... yet, anyway.
He licket the paper then folded it carefully, I didn't make it obvious that I followed his every move.
"D'you think you could make me one?" I wondered, whispering to him as Mr. Lawrence spoke about arguments we could make about our project.

He glanced up at me, debating, then nodded and pulled out more tobacco from the pouch. With his free hand, he passed me over the just rolled cigarette that was resting on his thigh. I took it and told him thank you, putting it behind my binder so nobody apart from him would see.
"Did you have any thoughts about our project?" I mused absentmindedly, wondering I he would even let me speak to him.

"Had a couple thoughts," He nodded but didn't say what they were.
So he was playing that game was he? Alright, well, lucky for him I had the instructions branded into my brain already.

"I'm flattered you think I'm the mind reader Dragonfly," I mused, raising a mocking eyebrow.
He let out a small huff, giving me a look. His expression showed nothing to the name given. I wanted him to bring up his art that I had found, I wanted to know about it.

"Ok, how about... not talking to each other is better then having a dorky, stupid, hot vampire next to you that won't shut up?" He whispered my secret but the sas didn't leave his voice.
I was impressed by his quick response, but didn't let it show.

"Hot?" I questioned.
I didn't want to push him too hard, hearing his confession at the church a couple days ago had opened my views up, but I couldn't help being a bit more annoying if my reward was his attention.
His cheeks flared red and his eyebrows narrowed. I could see his jaw clench and how it defined his features a little more. I wished I could complement him openly.

"All your family's hot. Don't flatter yourself Jasper," My name sounded wonderful from his lips, but the attitude of which it was said in was wrong.
I shut up after that, flicking my pen on the table absentmindedly. How were we supposed to finish a project without the starter?
"But if you have to know I want to do something about death being better then life,"

Ok, that was surprising. Was that an opinion or just something he saw from the internet? I suddenly had a thousand more questions that I wanted to ask. I wanted to know more about how he thought.
Maybe it was a religous thing, maybe he was talking about heaven or God, the safety of being in a 'perfect' place and what clarity that would bring.
"Is that what you think?" I asked, frowning a little but writing his exact words onto my paper.

I wanted to tell him that he was wrong. I was dead so I'd know. Most of my family would give anything to life our lives as a human, press the redo button and stay away from the harmful things that made us the outcome we were today.
Emmett and Alice were fond of this life, they enjoyed the strength and ability to repeate things in order to make them right. Rosalie, Edward and I, for different reasons, hated it.
Edward didn't like being a monster, Rosalie didn't like the things that were stolen from her, and I didn't have someone to make me happy.
Well I did, but it wasn't confirmed that he would stay with me and so far our interactions were so off and on it my brain.
But in another respect, death, my type of death anyway, was sometimes beneficial. Personally I thought there were more downsides, but being able to be strong and tackle things that would've definitely drowned you in your human life was a type of redemption I enjoyed.
I used to love my vampire life, I loved the strength, the ownership... that was until it was proven to me that I wasn't as strong as I thought I was by a woman who was supposed to love me.