Secrets - Seungjin

Chapter 20 - How are you feeling?

December 13th 5:52pm

Okay the medicine has really been kicking in.

And the damn winter isn't helping.

My hair loss isn't as crazy as last time, but the weakness has been hitting hard. Every step feels like so much effort. What used to feel like a stroll now has me sweating and fatigued.

Everything was mentally and physically exhausting

To be honest, these past few weeks make the past year of my life seem uneventful.

It's like I was living in the calm before the storm.

And now the storm is raging.

Last night, Hyunjin kissed me.

We kissed.

I never thought those words would ever be put into a sentence together in the world of Kim seungmin but the impossible is happening.

something just... took over me.

Maybe it was the fact I was drunk. But I remember the strong and strange swirling in my stomach.

My eyes couldn't tear away from his lips.

And the moment he placed his lips on mine, it was like my logical reasoning went out the window. It didn't feel like... I hated him.

I hate this stupid brain of mine. And this dumb heart that keeps aching in my chest.

I'm already suffering enough and now I've made it worse.

He doesn't even remember anything and now I have to live with this horrible guilt from this mistake. I can never let this slip.

Me and Hyunjin are not even friends, let alone ones to be kissing.

I need to forget about all this.

I went to that party to let loose after all, and somehow I've become more stressed. Atleast I've learned that partying is not something I want to do before....

Before I die....

That conversation we had, me and Hyunjin I mean, it kind of changed my perspective. I thought I was this unlucky boy who was cursed with a life like this.

But Hyunjin didn't think that way.

I have an amazing brother, loving parents, and the best friends. Sure I still felt cursed, but I have so much to lose.

It would be wrong to let it all go without a fight.

I don't want to leave everyone.

I don't want

to die.

"Minnie?" My mothers voice sounds from behind my bedroom door, accompanied by a small knock.

I put my diary down in my lap, looking up from my seat against my beds headboard, "Come in mom."

The next moment, a click sounds and the woman walks in through the door. My mother, whom was a revived woman just a few weeks prior, looks like a shell of herself.

Eye bags, new sets of wrinkles, constantly wet eyes, and a sensitive tone, that i haven't failed to notice, comes out when she talks to me.

"How was school honey?" She takes a seat at the foot of my bed, putting on a soft smile that I know couldn't have been natural.