GLITCH ! | w. scobell

xxiv. not yours, not mine

IN REAL LIFE

IT HAD BEEN ALMOST TWO weeks since they hung out in the city, and Juliet hates to admit it, but she had hung out with Dylan almost everyday since then. It was easy, he didn't live far away, and he wasn't working on any projects right now. Having Dylan was simple, being around him was simple. He made her laugh, he was good company, and he even lived through the things he hated to make her happy.

Sure, they couldn't listen to Taylor Swift (which sucked— her album came out in three days and she wished Walker was around for it), or watch romcoms, but that didn't matter. Why would it? As long as he was happy, it was fun. Plus, she had Walker for those things. Or, she used to, she'd noticed he'd been drifting recently.

It took him three days to stop texting good morning, another two to stop saying goodnight, and three more to stop responding the minute she texted. Juliet was beginning to worry that he'd stop texting altogether. She didn't know why— well, she did, she really did. She hated that she did. Juliet hated the fact that she knew why the boy she loved— liked, kept disappearing on her. She'd assumed he figured it all, figured out she wasn't alone in New York anymore. She had made a friend, and he hated it. Juliet hated the way she knew that he had every reason to hate it.

She missed him, she did, but she had filled that void. And she knew she did, by the way Dylan looked at her. If she squinted, she could pretend it was Walker. She could pretend the guilt truly wasn't eating her alive, and she could pretend she wasn't terrified to post with him because she knew she'd be in the wrong.

Life was beginning to feel like one big game of pretend that she couldn't escape. She was pretending like the absence of Walker wasn't hurting her, and was pretending like she wasn't the reason he was doing it. The truth was, she'd tell him, but then it'll be over. Pretending life was perfect, pretending like she couldn't be with Walker because maybe she was so in love with him that it scared her— life was easier this way. Dylan was simple, far more simple than being in love with someone you can't be with.

        Sure, they'd kissed, knew how the other felt, but love was so different. Love was something Juliet didn't dare go into the territory of, love was a temporary thing. She knew that, losing her brother and dad in a matter of three years. Neither loved her enough to stay, so why would Walker? If he even loved her at all, that is. Loving him means losing him at some point and he was the one person she couldn't afford to lose.

        Dylan was good enough, she decided. Maybe if she was away from Walker enough, they'd both forget about it all. Everything would be gone, they didn't have to talk about anything at all. It could go back to normal, or close to it, and she could have easy. She could have what was simple with Dylan, even if it would hurt. Losing Walker would hurt more, and she knew that. Having Walker in her life as a friend was better than having nothing, and she knew that. It was fine, in the end. Walker would always be there, she assumed, as a friend.