The first two days after the attack Maris mostly stayed in bed. She couldn’t remember much of it as she was taking Milk of the poppy for the pain in her ribs. She knew she always had at least one of the girls with her while she was healing but otherwise it was mostly a blur.
When she finally was able to stop taking Milk of the Poppy she felt the fog in her mind lift and she could truly feel and process everything. It hadn’t taken her long to break down completely, whenever she closed her eyes she would remember him looming over her.
When she had first looked at herself in the mirror she had flinched away, her neck was a dark purple. You could see the indents of his fingers in her skin making her quickly turn away from the Mirror. She hasn’t looked back at the thing since. She just wanted to forget it. Forget his hands and his words and the look in his eyes.
There was one solace from the memories, it was the memories of Rhea Royce. The way she had shown up like the most beautiful savior to ever appear. Had stayed with her the entire time until she was safe again.
Lady Royce had even come to her rooms to check on her and Maris couldn’t keep the dark blush from working its way up her face. She could barely meet the woman's eyes without a tingle going up her spine and her heart racing.
She had thought something was wrong until she realized, this was the feeling the girls talked about when they talked to a handsome boy they liked. It had caused Maris’s blood to run cold.
Thankfully she had been alone when she had figured it out or someone would have surely thought something was wrong.
Maris had just thought she couldn’t feel attraction, she had never even considered if she liked women. The more she thought about the more she realized she had always found herself watching the other woman of court more than the men. She had explained it away at the time.
She felt a flood of emotions, confusion, anger, bitterness, sadness. They were all jumbled together she had no idea what was what, all she knew was that it was too much. It was too much to be attacked, to be unable to look at her own reflection without being reminded of the pain and panic that she had felt and it was too much that she was having to rethink her whole life. It was too much that she had to accept that she would live a miserable life because the gods are cruel and while her father loved her she would still be forced to marry.
She would be forced to lay with a man, a man who will never bring her pleasure or happiness.
She felt herself completely break, it was all too much too soon.
She must have been making quite a scene because the next thing she knew she was in Laena’s arms as the girl held her and just let her continue to break.
The two girls ended up laying together on the ground. Maris’s head was buried in Laena’s dress making the fabric wet with tears.
