Crash and Burn (kellic)

Habits

The next few weeks were torture. Classes weren't fun; Vic either skipped or completely ignored Kellin. Kellin spent most of his time in the library; it didn't feel right to sit with Vic's friends even if he missed them. On the rare occasion that he saw Vic, Kellin couldn't breathe, it was like being stabbed in the heart. Vic looked awful; you could tell he was high constantly. He was spacey and tired and constantly trying not to throw up, Kellin wondered how his friends could be so oblivious before quickly reminding himself that Vic wasn't his to worry about anymore. Kellin personally felt empty. Vic unknowingly filled a hole inside of him and now that he was gone, the absence was painful. Kellin would try almost anything to fill the gap he was left with. He wasn't hypocritical enough to try drugs, but he tried his hands on other self destructive manners.

Kellin had never been good at eating. He wouldn't call it an eating disorder because he knew he wasn't fat, but there was something satisfying about skipping meals. He had tried his best to eat around Vic because it made him worry less; but now that Vic was gone, what was the point? But not eating couldn't shrink the hole, so Kellin had to find a way to fill it.

Kellin started going out. One thing about the suburbs that was nice was that the teens really knew how to raid their parent liquor cabinets and throw parties. Kellin was never really a party animal, but it was a better way to spend the night than all alone in his room. Kellin started to get drunk. A lot.

Kellin was walking home from one of said parties when he met Kyle. He had been sitting on the bench in the park, trying to sober up so his mom wouldn't notice anything. She hadn't been home enough to catch onto anything and Kellin was determined to keep it that way.

'Hey Kells,' Kyle said as we walked towards him. Kellin broke. Only one person had ever called him Kells, and he didn't want to admit how much his drunken ass missed Vic. Kellin knew deep down that Kyle being here was probably bad news, but he was too much of a mess to care. Kyle sat on the bench a little too close to Kellin and spoke.

'You know, I came to beat up Vic, but here I find you.'

'I don't care' Kellin could only say, it wasn't true but he repeated it like a mantra to get through the day. If Kyle wanted to beat him up it would be fine, maybe he'd save Vic from something for once.

'Are you a faggot too Kellin? Do you like making out with boys?' Kellin couldn't respond because Kyle had suddenly pressed his mouth against Kellin's.

Kyle was strong. You'd have to be if beating people up was one of your hobbies. Kellin was too drunk to fight it off; he couldn't even decide if this was what he wanted. Kellin was a lot lighter than Kyle, so the larger boy had no problem guiding a very drunk Kellin onto his lap. Kellin knew this was bad but a part of him didn't care, maybe Kyle could replace Vic.

Kellin woke up severely hung-over. Last night was a little fuzzy, but he was pretty sure they just made out. Kyle wasn't exactly his first choice, but he was there. Maybe if he stayed with Kyle, Kyle could stop fighting Vic, and then Vic could be okay. Kellin knew he was reaching, but he preferred to lie to himself. His mom had left a note on the counter;

Working late again, don't stay out too late. Eat something. Do you need new jeans again?

Kellin almost laughed. His mom was so oblivious to everything. He couldn't be too mad at her though. He finally got it; she just used work to fill her gap. Kellin laughed again; maybe he could call Vic and tell him he finally understood. But Vic wouldn't care. Kellin needed to get drunk again.