Mend What's Broken

Strength In Healing

Lizzie's POV

I hear muffled sobs on the other side of the door and my heart breaks. I try the door, but feel a surge of panic rush through me when I find the door lock.

"Margo, baby, open the door," I try to say as calmly as possible, but the thought of not being able to get to her scared me. What if something happened to her?

"I'm sorry I'm sorry, momma.." I hear her cry quietly, her voice sounding distant from the door, but I could still make out the sound of shallow breaths, and my heart broke.

"Baby, why are you sorry? Talk to me.."

I don't get a response, and my worry is increasing by the second. I tried to think of what could have sparked this. She seemed calm enough to go in the house alone after our brief conversation. She was fine, I thought she was fine. I'm pretty sure she even came back out for a moment-

The pot.. The stupid flower pot..

She must have heard me get frustrated when I knocked it over, and that probably triggered her memories. God, how could I be so stupid? This was supposed to be a safe environment for her, not a place where she was going to have to re-experience her trauma.

But I didn't have anytime to criticize myself over this, right now, my daughter needed me, and she was going to have my full attention.

"Okay, sweetheart, I need you to take a couple deep breaths for me, okay? I know you're having a hard time trusting me right now, but just take a deep breath with me. Ready?"

I try to coach her breathing through the door, but it was killing me that I couldn't see her or provide any other comfort. It was only a wooden door that divided us, but the fact that I couldn't reach her made it feel as if we were miles apart.

"Momma I c-can't.."

"Yes, you can, hunny. I'll do it with you.. Come by the door, you don't have to unlock it, it's okay. Let's just breathe together, come on, sweetheart." I sink down to the floor, leaning against the door as I listen to her shuffle closer, barely catching her shadow under the crack of the door.

"There you go.. it's okay, hunny.. I know you've got a lot on your mind and maybe some uncomfortable memories coming back right now, so let's just breathe together, okay? Big breath.." I could hear her shaky sobs through the door, her trembling evident with each breath and it only formed tears in my eyes.

My poor baby..

"Good job, baby, you're doing so good. Deep breaths.."

I listen to her continue to breathe, my body pressed tightly against the door as if I could somehow float through the wood if I only got closer.

She was hurting.. She was scared.. And there was nothing I could do to stop it..

"Talk to me, sweetie.. what are you feeling?" I ask softly, still hearing some muffled sobs.

"I-I'm scared.."

"I know, baby.. it's okay to be scared, but I'm right here okay? Nobody's going to hurt you."

The silence was deafening, the unknown eating at me the longer I was away from my daughter. I was desperate to get to her, so I tried to prompt her slightly.

"Is this about me breaking that flower pot? Did I scare you, bubba?"

Her sobs were a little more evident now, giving me the confirmation needed to understand how this all started. I felt terrible that my reaction had caused her to have a flashback, this was supposed to be a safe space for her, and the last thing I wanted to do was compromise what we had.