Good thing this is called fanfiction.
req from: Mosasaurus42
tw: graphic mention of su!cide and hang!ng. vague mentions of self-h@rm.
___
Everything feels like it's in slow motion when you want things to be over. Nick wonder if everyone else feels the same as him. He wonders if there is someone who feels like they don't belong in this lifetime.
At some point, Nick thought that he won the battle in his mind. Everytime he's enjoying his life, he thought that the chain around his neck finally decided to set him free. But boy was he wrong, he wasn't really free. The jail was just wide.
When you get used to the void, you live in it. That's why everytime he's okay, he didn't feel totally and fully okay.
He needs to not be okay just to feel okay.
Because that's what he's used to. He's not used to well, to good, to okay, to nice.. he's used to sad, empty, and the feeling of wanting to die.
Okay, maybe he just wants attention? Maybe there's really nothing wrong with him but he wants something to be wrong with him just for attention. Just to know if someone would care. But then, why would he tell them that he's okay when he's not? Why would he hide his scars? If he really wanted attention, why is he getting scared when someone starts to notice something?
It's really complicated inside Nick's mind. He can't even understand himself most of the time. All he know is that he doesn't belong in this world.
Everything keeps on replaying in Nick's mind as he started to tie the rope and making sure that it won't fall down. He's not crying, why would he? He doesn't deserve to cry, or more likely, he doesn't have any tears left to cry. Fuck everyone who shame people for taking their own lives. Fuck everyone who keeps on telling other people that suicide will only pass the grief to their loved ones. It isn't about them, it's about him.
For Nick, suicide is not an escape because first of all, escape is when you're in a cage and finding a key somewhere in that same cage and finally being free. Suicide is.. not being in the cage at the first place. It isn't freedom, it's how things should be.
Nick put on the rope on his neck and jumped off the chair. The rope tightens as he struggles to breath. His legs kept on kicking because of the suffocation. His vision gets blurry when his eyes landed on the picture frame. It was Chris, Matt, and him. Suddenly, all the moments they had started to flash in his eyes.
His brothers..
Nick struggled to fight for his breath but he couldn't do anything about it anymore. He can feel his heartbeat slowly beating.
Matt and Chris are his last thought.
___
Matt was ordering dinner when he heard a noise upstairs, coming from Nick's room. He was too lazy to check it out so he kept in mind to check it out later. He messaged their gc to ask what they want for dinner, Chris immediately responded but Nick didn't. Matt waited for another minute but he was really hungry so he decided to go ask Nick in his room.
He was humming their intro music on the way to Nick's room, and when he opened the door, he dropped his phone.
Nick.
"Nick!" Matt yelled as loud as he can, Nick's face was void of color. Matt never saw someone looked violet until now.
He picked up the chair and stood on it, frantically untying the rope on Nick's neck. He couldn't afford to cry and panic because he didn't want to mess up and prolong the Nick's hanging. Chris, having heard Matt's yell, immediately ran into Nick's room and was greeted by the sight of Matt untying the rope.
