end game || tayvis oneshots

03 | im sorry

trigger warning: mentions miscarriage, mentions of eating disorders.

1111 words

10am
taylor's pov:
i have decided to continue the pregnancy, it's going to be hard, but i put myself into the situation, so there's really nobody else to blame.

i'm now 10 weeks into the pregnancy and glad i kept it. i had a doctors appointment the other day to test the likelihood of this pregnancy failing or something like that. im still waiting for them to call back with my results but im starting to get anxious.

11:00am
i hear the phone ring, holy shit, it's the doctors office. i pick up the phone to answer, im praying that the test results are good.

"hello, is this taylor swift?"

"yup.."

"okay, so we do have your test results back, would you like to hear them now? or just discuss them with your ob/gyn at your next appointment?"

"could i please hear them now? thanks."

"of course so, but the test unfortunately does appear to say you have an 85% change of having a miscarriage, and have an almost inhabitable uterus. im sorry taylor."

"oh. uh, thank you. goodbye"

i quickly hang up the phone and run to our bedroom and burry my head into the pillows l. tears are streaming down my face and ruining my mascara. what the fuck is wrong with me? i don't wanna have a miscarriage.

"tay?" travis walks into the room and says

i don't respond.

"taylor, baby what's wrong?" he says while moving my hair out of my face.

"everything."

"just talk to me baby. what's going on?"

" you have to promise that you won't be mad at me. okay?"

"i promise."

"i'm probably going to miscarry our baby."

"oh taylor, that's not your fault baby. do you want to talk about now?"

"no. can we talk later?"

"of course tay, do you want anything now? food? a drink? chocolate?"

"can you get me some warm tea please"

"mhm, i'll be back in 5."

travis pov:
i walk downstairs and into the kitchen to get taylor some tea. i feel awful for her. i'm not quite sure what she means, but i can tell she's not taking it well.

on the way back to our bedroom i notice her favorite cat blanket on the sofa, i decided to bring that up as well, maybe it will help her feel better, and the cats must've sensed something was off, they followed me back into the bedroom.

taylor's pov:
travis brought me a cup of my favorite herbal tea in my favorite cat mug. i love him so much, he knows me better than i know myself. im trying not to focus on the fact that i probably won't ever have biological children, and focus on the small 15% that this pregnancy will succeed.

"want alone time, or do you want me to stay here with you?" travis asks me

"cuddles?"

"always, do you want to talk about it yet? if not that's okay too"

"i'm ready to talk, just let me put down my tea"

"alright, and i promise it's gonna be okay"

"basically my uterus is almost inhabitable because of my stupid eating disorder like 10 years ago. which literally makes zero fucking sense. what the fuck does my reproductive parts have to do with my eating habits? i don't fucking know. but basically means it's really really really hard to have a baby, and there's only a 15% chance of this actually being a successful pregnancy. and i feel like a literal idiot crying because i didn't even want to have a baby in the first place. this is so fucking confusing and i hate it. i'm sorry travis

"tay, it's okay. don't be mean to yourself, it's not your fault. your purpose isn't to give me children, that's not why i love you. i love you because you're well, you. i love you so much taylor, and don't ever forget that."

"i love you too travis."

travis's pov:
i feel awful for her, i don't want her to feel like it's her fault. she's laying in my arms right now and i don't know if i should switch the conversation up so she's not focusing on the bad stuff? or is that just inconsiderate. but i don't want her to be thinking all these bad thoughts, she knows it's not good for her.

"trav?" she says

"what's up baby?"

"i'm just sorry, about everything"

"about what darling? you don't need to apologize for this, it's not your fault. you are an amazing person, and the best girlfriend i could ever ask for. i love you so fucking much, and you should too."

"i've just been a mess lately and i feel like i've been taking a little bit of it out on you, or a lot of it i should say. but i love you so much"

"i love you too taylor"

i can tell she's getting a little bit sleepy, and im hoping she'll be able to take a nap for a little while too distract her mind from everything going on right now. i want her to stop apologizing for everything, i want her to know that none of this is her fault.

she eventually falls asleep, she's curled into a little ball with meredith partially laying on her stomach. she's adorable. i slowly get out of bed as an attempt to not disturb taylor, she needs some rest. i have a little bit of work around the house to do, so im hoping i am able to get most of it done without accidentally waking up taylor. i place a kiss on her forehead before leaving the room. i love her so much.

____

this chapter was longer than it needed to be, but i don't want to write stuff less than 1000 words because i feel like it's too short. but just a small warning, the next chapter is going to be very sad. anyways, i hoped you enjoyed this (and didn't cry).

i did also write this in the middle of the night, so im sure there are some a grammar and spelling mistakes, so please excuse those. thanks!

also- you know how i put the trigger warnings at the top of the page, right? a couple people complained about them before saying that they are spoilers, but i do need to put them there, right? like i don't want to put them at the bottom of the page and risk somebody not seeing them.

next chapter will probably be out this weekend, or possibly tomorrow depending on how much time i have.

love you pookie!