love between a professor and a idiot.

chapter 8, panic attacks and feelings

It had been a few days since Rosie had fought Kieran. Ru was in her room as it was now the weekend and she laid in her bed, she had been texting Rosie constantly, while eating, in class, even while she was supposed to be doing her homework! Ru was smiling at her phone at the moment while in her art class, sketching Rosie absent mindedly and was happier than she usually was. Her art teacher noticed and walked over and smiled at her. "Looks like someone has a crush, who's the lucky person?" Ru shoot her head up, snapping out of her own little mindset, she was surprised by what the teacher said, her have a crush on Rosie? She couldn't, could she? She had a very regrettable crush on Kieran, but she never thought about having a crush on Rosie, sure Ru would get Butterfrees in her stomach when Rosie called her Newbie, when Rosie laid with her spooning her, Ru felt so flustered when Rosie spoke to her, but she always felt like that whenever she talked to Rosie recently, but she hadn't thought much about it. There wasn't any way that Ru could crush on Rosie, she stepped outside of class, going to the library and she looked around at the books. She looked in the LGBTQ section of books and picked up a book, 'You and sexuality' and she started to read. 

She spent hours in the library, reading book after book about sexuality and why she felt this way, she liked boys, but she also liked Rosie, she paced as she read, confused as she thought about it, she took multiple 'Am I gay?' quizzes online, before she sat down and thought about it more. "I, I think I'm bisexual." she spoke out loud, shocked at it. She liked boys and girls, she leaned forwards as she thought more about it, she knew that she wanted to kiss Rosie multiple times before, but she thought that was just a friend thing, as she's seen that other girls in her last school before having kissed each other and were just friends, she just thought that was the case with Rosie, she didn't think that she would want to date Rosie. Sure, Rosie was kind, sweet, strong, smart, no not just smart, Rosie was brilliant in Ru's eyes. Ru smiled as she thought more about Rosie, drifting off into her mind, fantasizing away about Rosie, her mind going to a school dance first, Rosie holding Ru, Rosie dressed in a suit and Ru in a nice pretty dress, Rosie dipping Ru and kissing her, even the thought just made Ru melt in a smiley and giggly mess, but then she froze, what if Rosie didn't like her back? What if Rosie was going to do the same thing that Kieran did to her? The thought scared her. It was enough to give her a panic attack, she leaned over the table, trying to take deep breaths but it was a struggle. 

Ru was horrified, what if Rosie was like that? What if Rosie was just playing her, and Ru had fallen right into her trap? Ru sat down, the lights were too bright, the whispers were too loud, everything was just horrible in that moment, and she hated it and wanted it to be over. What if Rosie was just like Kieran? What if Rosie was going to do to her what Kieran did? Sure, she knew Rosie well and knew she wouldn't do it, but what if that was an act? it scared her to even imagine it. She closed her eyes tightly as she covered her ears, feeling like the world was closing in on her, she felt like she had no space to breath, no room to even exist. She felt herself being crushed, becoming smaller and smaller until she soon smelt the familiar calming smell of lavender and daisy, then the warmth of the familiar jacket as it covered the light. Rosie had found Ru and saw the all too familiar signs and took action to start to calm her down, and Ru slowly opened her eyes to darkness thanks to Rosie's coat. She felt circles being rubbed into her back and she heard Rosie's soft voice, caring, sweet, and kind.

"Hey, Newbie," that nickname, Ru hated it but, in this moment, it sounded so sweet to her ears. "Take some deep breaths. breath in for four seconds, hold for three, let out for four seconds, and then hold for three, can you do that for me?" Ru gave a soft nod and started to do as Rosie said. She took a deep breath for four seconds, held it for three, let it out for four, and then held it for three, she then repeated that over and over. Starting to calm down. She could feel Rosie's hands though the fabric rubbing circles into her back, it made Ru feel sleepy and reminded her when Rosie slept with her that night. It made her heart flutter more, and she opened her eyes for a moment before closing them again. She leaned to Rosie's touch, starting to relax, but she kept the coat over her eyes, she could feel Rosie move and when she moved the coat, she found Rosie kneeled down Infront of her, Rosie's hands on her elbows, being gentle yet firm. Ru could see the worry on Rosie's face that showed she cared and wanted the best for her. "Newbie, are you feeling better now?" Rosie's voice sounded as sweet as honey, a rare thing from the galarian professor, Ru slowly nodded, starting to come down from the panic attack more. Ru closed her eyes and blushed more as Rosie gently touched her cheek and made sure she was okay, Ru hadn't noticed it, but she was scratching her arms, and Rosie gently took her hands to prevent that. "It's going to be alright Newbie. Nothin' is going to get you. I'll be here as long as you need me." Ru smiled at that and whispered softly.

"Thank you, you're a really good friend Rosie." Ru was fully sure now in this moment, she was bi, and she liked Rosie.