•home for the troubled boys•poly bl•

Sleep depravation always wins.

Im stuck in a loop a never ending cycle.Im trapped with the memories,One nightmare caused a chain reaction.The days pass and I grow more exhausted from the lack of sleep.Once I escape a nightmare theres no going back to sleep,I tried I tried so hard but the fear keeps me awake.The fear of relieving those awful moments keeps me conscious.

For the seventh day in a row i'm sitting in my bed staring at the wall waiting for it to reach nine Am.Ive been awake since around two thirty and it is currently seven twenty five, five hours I have been awake and just staring.It feels like its only been a couple minutes since I last checked the time yet when I turn my head to check it once more it revels that an hour has passed,Its nearly breakfast time.

I hop out of bed and make my way to the bathroom to splash my face with some cold water so I look a little less dead.Although I hate breakfast and the thought of eating in general i am extremely grateful for the distraction from my thoughts and the indescribably strong urge to pass the fuck out.

I pat my face dry with a towel and make my way back into the main part of my room.I grab a pair of pajama pants from my closet and slide them on.I finally unpacked the rest of my items yesterday as a desperate tempo to keep my self busy.Every piece of laundry is clean, folded and put away.I replied to Twitter DMs and even cleaned out my camera on my phone.Every inch of my room was spotless.I did anything and everything to stay busy.

I pace around my room until I hear a knock at the door.My brain wasn't near awake enough to try and process who was at the door.When I open the door I am met with Xavier.

"Good morning Avery." he greets with a warm smile."Morning" I reply while suppressing a yawn."We are going to be having breakfast at Nine thirty today so everyone has time to get ready." he says same soft time still planted on his face."Get ready?" i ask tilting my head slightly to the side.

"The shopping trip today."he gently reminds."Oh that, okay"I say letting a yawn slip out.I must have been zoned out when he mentioned a shopping trip because I don't remember hearing anything about it."Alright then." he says giving me one last tiny smile before making his way two the door next to mine, Max's room.

Luckily I showered the night before so all I have to do is throw on a quick outfit.I throw on a pair of baggy dark wash jeans and a over sized forest green sweater I thrifted when I was sixteen.Then I make an attempt at making my hair look tamed but if we are being honest I practice did nothing.

I grab my wallet form out of my night stand and slip it into my front pocket so I don't have to sit on it during dinner.i turn to check the time nine twenty eight, perfect i'm right on schedule.I make my way out of my room just as the door to the room across the hall to mine opens and Kaiden walks out.He's wearing a par of jeans slightly darker than mine and a black long sleeved shirt,A couple of silver necklaces and rings decorating the simple outfit.

"Oh hey, good morning Avery."he says giving me a grin before making his way to the stairs right beside me."morning." I give him the same generic answer.at we walk down the stairs I am all to aware of our arms bumping into each other.

when we reach the dining room we make our ways to our respective seats.It seems that every one is here besides Parker and Xavier.Around five minutes of waiting later Xavier walks in with I very what I can only describe as sleepy looking Parker practically hanging off of him for support.

The conversations only falters for a second before the voices start again, with a laugh from max clearly directed towards Parker.Everyone starts making there plates ,Mine was already made for me once again.Fruit and two pieces of French toast.I start with the fruit because it has less volume so its easier to get down.

I call it quits after one piece of the French toast and all of the fruit.I see Xavier steel a few glances at my plate but thankfully he didn't say anything because if he tried to force me to eat more than I want to today I may have just started balling out of pure frustration.