Hate is a strong feeling - Joseph Descamps

20

" I need water!" 

"Me too!" I scream to Alex while I get tossed around in the crowd, we're at a stage that's playing disco music, we have been dancing for what feels like hours. Carla is struggling, being 5'4 in a concert isn't easy, so we hold hands and lead each other out the crowd. 

When we finally get out of the trenches we spot a fountain, I sit down on the pavement wiping the sweat off my forehead. I take my pack of cigarettes out my purse and light one up.

"That was fucking intense" Alex says, wiping the water dripping from his mouth. We are all covered in sweat and out breath. I'm supposed to join Simone by the carousel at 10pm, I look at my watch, I've got two hours. 

We still haven't done any rollercoasters or smoked any joint, which is rare. 

When I lived here we were always smoking, it wasn't as bad as in middle school. When we discovered weed a new world opened up to us, all my classes until my second year of high school were spent high, then we all nearly failed our year so we had to take it down a notch.

It's still our favourite activity besides drinking, we're not drug addicts tho, I promise. 

"If we don't smoke on the big wheel I will lose my mind"

 I laugh at Carla's dramatic statement. After rolling our blunt we head to the town square, music is blasting from every corner of the city. We sigh at the screaming kids running around us, we can't escape them. It is unfortunately a celebration for every age group. 

I buy us three tickets and after waiting, overtaking 12 year olds, and more waiting we finally get into the big wheel. As soon as we are a feet in the air we light up excitedly. 

I'll spare you the details of the drunken love confessions shared on the ride, we are just emotional because me moving wasn't easy for any of us. We have survived a lot of phases, a fourth member that didn't end well, and the simple fact that we went through puberty together really made us close. I'm so happy to be with them. 

 Carla passes me the joint as she wipes the tears from the corner of her eyes. As I'm taking a hit our car comes down to the ground, we still have a few laps left, I look at the people waiting in line and choke on my hit. 

Descamps stands two feet away from me. For the few seconds that I can see him I can't comprehend what is happening and thank the lord that he wasn't looking our way, not noticing me coughing for my life. 

Oh my fucking god he's here.

I manifested that shit.

My muscles don't get the chance to react and like that the car is back in the air, it stops momentarily letting new people in, I frantically look down trying to spot Descamps but I can't see him. 

By this time my best friends figured out what is happening, they are screaming looking down.

"Where is he! Where is he I want to see him!"

"Shut up he'll hear you!" 

I launch at Alex just as he's about to scream his name, punching him in the stomach. Where the fuck did he go, did he get on? 

The cart swings from left to right as we are all panicking, it starts to lower and when we get in front of the gate it stops. The man at the gate starts to scream at us to get down, when he spots the joint in my hand his face changes from annoyance to anger and before he opens the gate we jump off the cart laughing and running away in the crowd. 

Carla scolds us because "we could've died" but when the wheel starts to spin again behind us we all stop to try to spot the person who caused this havoc. 

"I see him!" Carla screams.

"Where!"

"There right on the top!"

Due to my poor sight I only see him once his cart has moved closer to the ground, he sits with two other guys in front of him, and a girl, next to him.

Oh you have got to be kidding me, is that the blonde bitch from the party?

"Who the fuck is the blonde bitch?" 

Exactly my thoughts Alex, I watch him, he's slightly smiling, he doesn't look like he's having that much fun. In contrast to his body language, the blonde is laughing and smiling as she speaks to him, her hand resting on his thigh. 

He's not looking at her tho, because he's just seen me. I watch his face change, I couldn't describe the look on his face when he spots me but before I get to figure it out I turn my back to him and walk away. 

While I'm spending my nights and days thinking and dreaming about him he's hanging out with that girl? So what I'm just a fun side piece? 

No way, if he actually wants me, he'll come find me, I refuse to be the one running after him. 

I stop my internal conflict and my steps, abruptly turning around.

"Am I acting crazy or are we on the same page when I say he's an asshole?"

Alex starts hesitantly : "Well technically he didn't really do any-

"Yes he's an asshole! How dare he come here with a girl!" 

"Thank you Carla!" I take her by the arm and dismiss Alex because he's a boy,  he couldn't understand.

"Where are we going now? I want to drink and forget about this very embarrassing experience"

"We're going back to the dance floor hoes!" Alex screams taking off, we exchange a look with Carla and run after him. 

While I run after them I quickly glance back, he better come after me. 

 don't worry girls, tomorrow you'll get the rest 😋