Hate is a strong feeling - Joseph Descamps

9

I barely slept yesterday. What is wrong with me, having that dream. Sure he wasn't being the huge dick that he usually is and he even gave me a cigarette but that dream? I can't tell Simone, she'll think I'm crazy. Speaking about her, I need to scold her for leaving me behind, and ask her what happened with Jean-Pierre. 

I get to school and put my bike in a different spot, my dad fixed my tires and if it happens again, they'll now something is wrong. Which is the last thing I need right now, when I came home yesterday they were already in bed, thank god. The walk back was brutal and I can feel my legs aching. I walk up the gate and without realising I search the crowd for him. I spot him, on his usual bench, with Yves and the other boy. He doesn't look at me, I'm disgusted with myself when I feel disappointment. 

I feel like I'm really starting to loose my mind, until yesterday I would've fought him if I had the chance and now I want him to see me? I look down at my outfit, I'm wearing a little skirt with knee high socks that match my sweater. Why did I put so much effort in my outfit? I only do that when I have someone to impress.. Stop Stop Stop 

Stop thinking about him

I see Alain and Michelle and walk up to them, we quickly debrief over yesterdays party and laugh. I feel it, he's looking at me. I turn my head to face him, we look at each other for a few seconds, I won't be the one that looks away. He looks me up and down and focuses his attention back to something his friend said and he laughs. He has a beautiful smile, I don't think I've seen him smile until now, or maybe I wasn't paying attention. 

I watch as he stands up and moves his tall body while adding something to the conversation that make his friends burst out laughing. He looks fun to be around, from this angle you'd almost think he's a sweet outgoing guy. I feel a mix of sadness and jealousy that he doesn't act like that with me. I wan't to make him laugh and smile. 

"Right Jane?" I turn my head to Michelle, shit.

"Sorry I didn't get that" I apologise 

"Are you coming to the soccer game tomorrow? Alain says we have to go, it's tradition."

"Sure why not, have you seen Simone?" Where is she, I seriously need to talk to her. 

I look at the gate and see her small figure, she's walking, next to her a tall brown frame. I smile, she's too good. 

They arrive and Simone gives me a devilish smile, she has so much to tell me, I can tell. 

"Are you ready for our first gym class Jane?" Gym class?

"Uhm no?" Fuck. Gym class, I don't have clothes with me, am I that hangover?

"Are you seriously that hangover?" she laughs "I figured you would be, I got you some shorts, but I don't have a shirt."

"That's fine, as long as I don't have to do it in my skirt. Simone how do you already know me so well?" I put my arm on her shoulders and we walk away laughing. I'm not laughing inside because if there is one thing that I hate, it's gym class. 

"Oh yeah.. i din't think of that" Simone says.

We're both standing in front of the mirror looking at me, the shorts are a nice blue colour and the ones she's wearing fit her really well, while mine... I'm at least 10 centimetres taller then Simone so the shorts are tight, really tight. 

"Well at least it makes your ass look fat." True, but in an all boys school, that's not really a good thing.

"Yeah.. I guess" We walk out of the changing rooms entering the gym hall as i desperately try to pull my shorts down. I look up, everyone is watching us. You'd think they've never seen women's legs before, this is so weird. 

"Boys team up, you know what to do."

"What about us sir?" Bombshell says, who by the way is named Annick. We still haven't spoken to her but we don't dislike her anymore, she's just shy and school obsessed. I don't blame her for not liking Simone and me, we have nothing in common. 

"Oh..right..the girls" the gym teacher sighs, he looks around trying to come up with something.

"Descamps! If you're going to stay go sit on the bench" I hear the teacher say. And I thought this class couldn't get worse, he's going to be watching us? Please don't make me go through this. I don't turn around, I don't want to see him and I don't want him to think I want to see him. 

"Here girls" We look as a raggedy rope hangs in front of us. I look at Simone and Michelle and they are just as depressed as me. Annick goes first, of course she does, and naturally she doesn't show an ounce of struggle, while Michelle holds the rope and Simone leaves to fill her water bottle. 

"Jane psssst   Jane!"

I look back and spot Jean-Pierre by the changing rooms, I run to him and hear someone whistle behind me, in my mind I believe it's him, but I rather not know so I don't even look. 

"Jean-Pierre? What's happening?" He shows me the huge rip in his jacket, shit, he has his council today. I start to think of everything and anything and then Simone comes to us. I'm thankful for her because I had no plan that could help him, I wish him good luck with his council and leave it to her. I guess that is her duty now that they have a thing. 

"Nice ass" I look to my right. He's sitting on the bench, elbows on his knees, his long legs spread apart. I don't even know what to say.

"I already saw the top, care to share the bottom?" He refers to my underwear he had the pleasure of exposing on my second day of school. 

Ok I'm going to do something really bold, but at this point, what does it even matter?

I walk up to him, he sits up, leaning his back against the wall, intrigued. 

I look at him, (this wouldn't have worked if I wasn't towering over him), I take one of his dirty blond curls, roll it in my finger. "You can wish all you want, Joseph" I give him my sweetest innocent smile and let my finger linger on his skin. If I'm not mistaken, his cheeks turn a light shade of pink. I walk away, my face going red instantly, but he doesn't need to know that. 

Yes I had asked about his name, I didn't look at him for the rest of the class but I could feel him watching my every move.

I guess our little moment from yesterday didn't change anything, he still hates me. And as much as I want to hate him, I just feel sad.