Blazing Desires - A Dark Romance Story

Chapter 26 - Delusion is the Solution: Blaze

1 month later...

I wake with a jolt, sweat coating my skin.

I sit up in bed and drag my hands over my face and giving up hope that I'll get back to sleep. It happens less frequently now but that same nightmare still keeps me up at night.

Everything that happened that day, everything I lost.

I roll out of bed and head straight for the shower to rinse the nightmare from my skin. I put it as hot as it will go and let the drops scald my skin.

Everything went wrong. I had wanted revenge for everything I lost but I ended up losing so much more.

Anger, hot and sharp slices through me and my fist hits the tiles, over and over again until I feel the skin split. The tears of my regret tangling and weaving with the water rushing over me.

Sobs rack my body as my back slides down the slick tiles, I draw my knees to my chest and let the grief consume me and the water wash me clean of my sins.

Eventually, I shut the water off and step out of the shower. Pulling a towel and wrapping it around my waist on autopilot. I slick my hair back to get it off my face.

The dark strands are long and curl at the ends, I've not cared enough to get it cut. I haven't shaved in a month either and my beard drips with water. I've worked out every single day, multiple times most days as the physical pain is the only thing that can compete with how I feel. I'm more shredded than ever.

I'm more miserable than ever.

I go through the motions of wrapping my knuckles. Getting dressed and heading to the kitchen for a strong drink. The same routine every time I find myself drowning in the depths of my despair.

Get a fucking grip.

I avoid any reflections, knowing that if I looked myself in the eyes, I'd be putting my fist through it. I'd punch myself in the face if I could.

I pour a large glass of bourbon and down it, then another. Giving up I just swig it from the bottle. I pretend the tears that are spilling down my cheeks are from the burn.

I'm so fucking sick of crying, of feeling the way I do. Hating myself.

I scrub aggressively at my eyes, removing the tears there.

I hear a sound toward the front of the house.

It's dead silent in these woods when the weather is still so when I hear the ground again, I put the bottle down and pull a pistol from a compartment under the counter on the island.

I quietly move out of the kitchen and into the hall. My steps making no sound as I get closer to the door and can hear a faint thumping sound.

I don't bother checking the feeds and I know it's because a part of me hopes its someone here to finish me off. To let me leave this earth because it means nothing now that she's not in it. She was my sun, keeping me warm and now it's just a cold barren world without her.

I unlock the door and tear it open, my gun half-heartedly raised, and I don't even think I clicked off the safety.

My gun clatters to the floor.

I can't move, I can't breathe.

How much did I drink?

I rub my eyes not believing what I'm seeing. I must be hallucinating or I'm seeing a ghost.

"Hello, Blaze."

"Mea Davina? No, I've gone crazy."

I press the heels of my hands into my eyes and drag air into my lungs. I just need a minute to get my mind right and I'll realise she's not real.