I Need You

Cat

He looks shocked. I start to walk away and he calls to me. "Then what is your type?"

I turn to look at him and walk backwards. "Daryl Dixon!"

I am about to turn onto our street when I see Rick talking to some woman outside. Jessie, I think that is her name. She is married to the town doctor. I haven't met him yet but I remember Aaron saying he used to be a surgeon. I haven't ever interacted with Jessie but she seems nice. Rick catches a glance of me and excuses himself from the conversation.

"Beth."

"Hey Rick. What's up?" I ask.

He puts his hands on his hips and looks around. "You going home?"

I nod. "Yeah. Why?"

He is nervous to say whatever it is that is on his mind. "I need to talk to you about something... It's about Daryl..."

I think I know where this is going. "You want me to get him off the porch don't you?"

"Yeah. He has been there all day and was there most of the day yesterday. Normally I wouldn't push but it's starting to freak out some of the residents." Rick explains.

"I tried Rick. He just needs some time. Why don't you talk to him?" I suggest.

"I did. I tried. Carol tried. We both know you are the only one he will listen to."

I shake my head. "I don't know about that. I will try again but I make no promises."

Rick seems pleased with my answer. "That is all I ask."

I think about my conversation with Rick. Daryl is going to do what he wants. I am not sure if me talking to him will make a difference. I don't want to push him but at the same time I do want to know what is going on in that brain of his. There's no harm in talking to him. If he is ready to open up, he will. If not, then I don't know. I just don't want him to pull away from me.

When I get home, Daryl is still in the same place I left him this morning. He is fiddling with his knife. Those ocean blue eyes fixate on me as I approach. "How'd it go?"

"Okay." I say as I sit down next to him. "This place isn't that big. There is definitely potential here for it to be great but it needs work. Deanna seems to be open to our suggestions. She had me and Maggie over to pick our brains about ways to improve this place and potentially planting crops."

Daryl nods along as I speak but doesn't offer up anything new to keep the conversation going, so I ask him. "How was your morning?"

"A'ight. I sharpened our bolts and my knife." He picks at his jeans to avoid looking at me.

"That's good." I search my mind on what to say next. "Can I ask you a question?"

He hums and finally looks at me. My eyes meet his. It's my turn to look away now. "What is going on with you? Why are you refusing to leave the porch?" I look back to see him shrug. He does his mumbly 'I don't know' at me which is annoying. "Don't do that. Talk to me."

My eyes meet his again and plead with him to open up to me. "Guess I just don't see the point. I don't fit in here, Beth."

I sigh, "You don't know that."

He speaks again. "I do. This place is too much like it was b'fore. To them I'm just another redneck asshole. That's all they're ever gonna see."

Pieces of his actions are starting to make more sense now. "So what, you're just gonna sit out here on the porch scowling at them everyday like some redneck asshole?"

He shrugs, "If the shoe fits..."

"It doesn't fit!" I shoot back, frustrated. "It hasn't fit for a long time. You gotta stay who you are, not who you were, remember?"

He stares at me for a long minute, then finally nods. He lowers his head in defeat. "Guess you gotta keep remindin' me."

He's said it to me before. A couple times actually. The first time he said it, I told him no. I knew his philosophy on you can't depend on nobody for nothin', I thought he was right at the moment. The next time he didn't say it verbally but I think that is what he was trying to say. I told him as best I could without words that I would. The way he said it just now... it wasn't a joke like the first time. He is serious. It's like he has a hard time believing the good things about himself, which makes sense. It takes a long time to unlearn some of the bad habits we pick up as kids. Maybe he actually needs me to remind him.

"I will." I say sincerely. I play with my engagement ring to emphasize the next thing I say. "Everyday, for the rest of our lives, if you need me to."

He gives me a shy crooked grin that I love so much. He nods in acceptance. He looks a little relieved by my answer. Maybe he needs me too. I smile back but I know we have more to talk about. "But that's not what's keeping you on the porch. What else is bothering you?"

He considers my words. "When I was with Joe's group, he said somethin' t' me that I haven't been able t' stop thinkin' about since we got here." After I told him about Grady, that night, Daryl told me about what happened to him after we were separated. He still carries a lot of guilt for being with Joe and the Claimers. I could tell then that Joe had really gotten under Daryl's skin, so whatever he said must be weighing heavy on Daryl's mind to get him in such a funk. "He said 'There ain't nothin' sadder than an outdoor cat thinkin' he's an indoor cat.' At the time, I jus' brushed it off. It ain't like that with our group. But here..." He trails off and doesn't say anything else.

"Maybe it's not as simple as indoor and outdoor cats?" I think aloud in the silence.

Daryl turns to me. "What'd ya mean?"

"I mean what if we all are just... cats? Take me for example. I was an indoor cat but having to learn how to fight and survive out there, now I would say I'm more of a... stray cat. Same with you. You were an outdoor cat. But being with us changed you. Domesticated you a bit. I'd say now you're a stray too. I don't think there are many indoor and outdoor cats anymore. I think most of the people left are mainly strays. Except for these people. They are definitely indoor cats." That comment makes us both chuckle. "Does that make any sense?"

He nods but doesn't speak. "Just because we are here living inside now with these people, doesn't mean we don't belong here. You got to give this place and these people a chance. But you can't do that if you stay on this damn porch." My cursing makes his lips turn upward. "Who knows they might surprise you."

He nods again. I get an idea. I nudge his elbow and say, "Come on."

I start to stand but Daryl stays put. "Where are we goin'?"

"Hunting. Time outside the walls and off this porch might do us both some good. Don't ya think?"

He stands and grins at me. He takes my outstretched hand and kisses my forehead. "Thanks."

I smile up at him. "Anytime."