Deadland

Chapter 97- Bad Timing

I continue. "This wasn't a choice. I was forceablly dragged into a van after watching my two best friends get their heads smashed right in front of me. You were there, you think I wanted this?" 

Alyssa scowls, "You coulda' fought harder." 

Ow. Ouch. Fucking OW?

I push my lips into a thin line, "I've been fighting for years, Alyssa." I gaze into Alyssa's somehow less-blue eyes.

I hesitate and look at the blood under my nails. "I'm tired of fighting." 

"I came back for you, not because I wanted to." 

I pause, "I don't want to fuckin' be alive, 'Lyss. Like...at all. But you just lost your boyfriend and I did not want you to loose your sister too." 

Alyssa huffs, "Well if you don't want to be alive so bad, then go and take all of those drugs I know you still have."

With that, she gets up and storms off, wiping angry tears. 

I gape at her retreating figure as she storms off, my fingers finding their way to my cuticles and a rock sitting uncomfortably inside of my throat. 

She's hurting, I know. But what the actual fuck? 

It is taking everything in me to not walk somewhere secluded and blow my brains out right now. 

And the only reason I'm not is because she won't recover from this if I do. This is the same thing that happened after Beth died and our dad, she turns on me. I think she has this subconsious idea that I'm all powerful and can prevent everything bad from happeneing. 

I blink back tears while staring at my thighs, still to out of it to chase after her after coming back alive.

"I saw his body," A familier raspy voice says from behind me. 

Daryl's body shuffles next to the table and he sits on top of the table next to me but not too close. "Wouldn't wanna fuck with you after that." 

I scoff tearfully, trying to blink back my tears before Daryl can see them. Oddly enough, it's not weird between us, thankfully. 

"Alyssa seems to think I should've done more. You know, ignoring my technically fatal stab wound." 

Daryl rolls his eyes, "She wasn't there. She's not you." 

I nod, "I know." I finally look up at Daryl, his usually hard eyes soften at my eye contact. 

"Daryl, I-" I sigh and run my fingers through my hair. "I've ruined everything, everything." 

He shakes his head, "No you haven't, Adrian." 

I nod, "I have. It's almost like everything I touch I ruin, I mean I ruined us, Alyssa hates me, this whole group hates me-" 

"Adrian listen," I can tell he wants to kiss me or cup my face as a comforting gesture but he's refraining. "This whole group knows what you went through, from the outside perspective. You are so wrapped in your own head that you don't realize we've been standing by your side since the beginning." 

I pull on the skin from my cheek with my teeth, trying not to cry. "I'm lost, Daryl. It's really hard for me to ask for help and I'm not really asking for help but I don't know what to do, and I'm talking a lot because Alyssa brought up drugs and now I really want them and I-" I inhale sharply, swallowing the word vomit. "I don't know what to do." 

He nods, obviously not really knowing how to help me. "Alyssa's done this before, yeah?" 

I nod, "I know, it's how she copes with grief. But this is big. She knew Dad was an asshole and was dangerous, yeah it hurt her but she knew there was a reason for his death. Beth destroyed her but...Carl's her boyfriend. I dunno, I-"