Deadland

Chapter 88- Guts

(TW!! Mentions of abuse, drug usage, suicide, and s/a!!)

(Alyssa Walsh's POV:) It's almost midnight, Damien paces the living room, Inejra and I sit on the couch next to each other. "What the fuck is wrong with Adrian?! Both Glenn and Abraham were her whole world and she just..." He makes a waving motion with his hands.

I nod, "I know. But listen, It's Nick." 

"No shit!" Damien quickly turns to me. "Adrian's one of the most stubborn assholes I've ever met! And she just...listens to Nick immediately?" 

"Damien!" I yell, trying to get him to listen. "Yes, I'm upset too. Yes, Adrian is with the enemy. But no, Adrian is not the enemy. I'm waiting to talk to everybody on how to approach Adrian's situation. But she and I have both been through this before. When I had to watch her go through the exact same thing." 

"When he hit her the first time, she was already so head-over-heels for him that she didn't want to leave. Because he'd known her for so long, he knew her. He knew her brain. He knows exactly how to manipulate her and poor Adrian can't fight back." 

I continue, sighing, "She's gonna go back to old Adrian." My eyes immediately tear up, remembering how Adrian used to flinch at the slightest movement. She didn't smile for two years and I rarely ever heard her laugh.

"As much as I hate to say it, we need to approach Adrian like she's the enemy. Because with Nick by her side, with him whispering in her ear twenty-four-seven, she'll get violent." 

"When she gets back, she's gonna be addicted to drugs again, no doubt about that. But the chances of her trying to commit are high. And..." My voice shakes. "I think she'll know exactly how to succeed." 

Damien's face is ashen, the weight of Adrian's situation finally setting in. He sits opposite us, sitting in one of the love chairs. 

"Fuck." He whispers. "And how do we convince everyone that she's not actually against us." 

"But she is actually against us." Inejra butts in. I nod but allow her to speak. "She's against us but she was forced that way. She was forced to think that way. Not everybody will understand but we have to try." 

Damien nods, his hands covering his mouth in a cupping position. "I can't imagine what Adrian's going through right now, holy fuck." 

(Adrian Walsh's POV:) I lean down and sniff a line of Crack, straightening up and laughing highly as the men around me cheer. 

"That's my girl!" Nick celebrates, handing me a beer can. 

I shove the tip of my knife into the beer can, making a small hole, and I open the tab. Once the tab pssts open, I bring the hole to my mouth and chug the beer, shotgunning it. 

"And that's what we call tits!" Negan announces, holding a beer bottle up as I throw the empty can down. 

We're celebrating the submission of Alexandria before Simon and another group of Saviors have to go to the Hilltop. Negan, who is especially happy, is also celebrating the fact that I had the choice to leave freely, and I didn't. 

My mind is empty, infected by drugs and alcohol. The best way to feel. 

"Let's fucking go, Rattlesnake!" Negan yells, grabbing my shoulders and shaking me gently. 

I laugh, my high giggles sounding distorted in my ears. 

Crack.

Fentanyl.

Dilaudid.

Weed.

Alcohol.

The perfect combinations. The same combinations I had almost every night before the apocalypse.