Elpis

Chapter 25

CHAPTER 25

Trenj and I decided to go inside the apartment and continue our conversation there. He was still teary-eyed when he faced me, sitting on top of the bed, holding each other's hands. He looks like a puppy.

"Love" I called him.

"Hmm?"

"You said 'yes and no' to my question whether you took advantage of the accident as an opportunity to get back to me, right?" he lightly nodded.

"...You confessed about your deepest secret but I don't think that clearly explained your answer about the 'no' part. Would you mind elaborating it for me?" I softly uttered, careful not to make it sound like I'm upset. I just still have some questions left in my mind. I need a little more information to feed my curiosity.

"I initially thought of how to make you feel that what you did was wrong. To correct you, in a good way. But I never attempted to take revenge on you by blaming you for the accident. I would never do that, love.

But here comes my illness. I don't know what's the cause of it but it seems like after having a light brain injury, I had a harder time controlling my manic episodes, as you have witnessed, through my sudden anger outburts and my irritability leveling up to the notch.

And those...hurtful words I have said. I swear, I never wanted to throw all those things to you. It's just that, my episodes also affect my behavior and my ability to make decisions wisely. I wasn't in my right mind for almost 2 weeks and I'm really sorry. I must be crazy. God!" he grunted in frustration and harshly rubbed his palm on his face.

I grabbed him by his wrist and stopped him right after. He's frustrated at himself, I understand that. It's not a nice feeling when you continuously do an action - a bad one, at that - that you cannot fully control. It's like being chained in the depths of your soul with another mind in control of you and you can't do anything about it.

From the knowledge I've gained through researching (sorry if ever I would be wrong) it's not like they can't really control it. It's just damn hard to do so. It's like trying to walk in a direction opposite to the flow of a storm wind. It's hard to take steps in a path where a strong force keep pushing you off of your feet, leading you back to the very start of your battle journey. It's draining.

"Hush now, love. It's not your fault that you're having a hard time controlling it, okay?" I held his face in my hands and leaned to give him a kiss on his forehead. He seemed to like that since he wrapped his hands around my waist, pulling me closer to him.

I wish he had confessed earlier so I can be filled with happiness way before. I missed having this little moments with him. It may seem nothing to other people but it's what makes me hope to wake up the next day just to experience it all over again.

Still, everything should happen in it's own time. He took his time to confess me something he has been hiding from me throughout our relationship. I know it's not easy to muster up the courage to be able to tell it to me. I'm proud of him, no matter what.

We both paused when we heard a knock on the door. I insisted on opening it and after three attempts, Trenj sighed and let me be. I opened the door and remained my resting bitch face while looking at Trevor.

"Am I late?" he smiled awkwardly and I just gave him a confused look.

"Late for what?"

Instead of answering, he swayed to his left and did a quick peek inside through the ajar door. I became even more confuse with his actions.

"Are you constipated or something?" I joked.

"Assholes are not welcome here."

I didn't realize Trenj was already behind me. I glanced at him and he was frowning his eyebrows, with his hands in his pockets, while intently looking at the old geezer.