perfectly wrong

cascade

tw: panic attack

He couldn't do this anymore.

Live in this limo of existence.

Desperate to save her, but hopeless.

A Counter, but still just a kid.

They could all see right through him.

He felt it in their subtle glances or their concerned conversations.

And he just had to go and make it all worse.

She didn't remember him.

But he did.

He remembered everything.

And that. That was his mistake.

Motak took one glance at his posture and the defeated expression on his face and knew something was wrong.

"What happened? Mun? Are you alright?" Motak asked worriedly when he remained silent.

He sat carefully in the chair, trying to remain calm.

Trying to not descend into the panic attack he knew was eventually coming.

He hadn't told any of them about the sudden rush of panic attacks that seemed to consume his life.

He hasn't seen a specialist.

He had almost told Hana when he came back from his trip, but she was preoccupied.

By the evil spirit taking over her mind.

She never found out.

And he liked it better that way.

One less thing for his family to worry about.

One less thing that made him look like a total wreck.

While he could calm himself, he still felt the streams of tears running down his face.

He looked up at Motak with despair, eyes dimmed in sorrow.

"I fucked up, Ahjussi." He muttered, voice cracking in between his words.

Motak's eyes softened, and he came to give him a warm hug.

One that he shrugged off.

He couldn't do physical touch right now.

Not after how close he had gotten to Hana.

How soft her lips felt against his.

The fire between their breaths.

He squeezed his eyes shut and got back up.

"I-I need a minute." He whispered before he rushed into the bathroom.

His chest felt like a weight was pushing down on it.

His heart was beating too fast for him to even think.

He placed his hand against his heart and took deep even breaths.

Inhale.

Exhale.

The sharpness of his panic seemed to consume every vein in his body.

A never-ending stream of spiraling.

The cascades that followed his every breath.

He leaned against the Counter once his body relaxed again.

He hated her for kissing him.

But mostly he hated himself for kissing her back.

She was scared when she pulled away from him.