Endings: Book One

The Light And It's Darkness

It is more likely to perish with justice than to triumph with injustice.
-Albert Camus, sometime in the post-war period.

London, two years ago.

His eyes were blurry as if there was a veil covering them. The lights that stared down on him confused him, they hurt him. He tried to look away but his head could not move. He turned his eyes to the side but he couldn't make out the figures talking before him. He could barely move, his body didn't listen to his demands anymore. It was limp on the bed, there was no need for the restraints that were in place. There was no longer a threat that he could pose. He had no resistance left in him. He had nothing left to loose.

He closed his eyes slightly and for a brief second she was glowing in the sunlight again. Her hair flying with the wind, her laughter carried away by the world keeping them apart. She let go of his hand and ran ahead, saying that they were about to miss the best part, he let his grip on her fingers fall out of place. He shouldn't have let go, he shouldn't have let her go. He followed closely behind her, he didn't want her to fade away again, like she always did in his dreams. She always disappeared behind the rocks and trees in the pathway that was getting darker again.

Please don't go. Rosa please don't leave me here.

He began to run, his breath out of pattern, his steps betraying him as he stumbled and fell. He was going to loose her again and he knew it. He struggled to get to his feet again and followed the light at the end of the path, beyond those trees that he could never get past...

And there she was waiting, raising her head to the clouds, letting the glorious beams of a setting sun clasp onto her. He only stood there, watching her for there was nothing else that he could do. He could see her clearer with each passing second and he knew at that moment that there was no place in the world where he'd rather be.

She turned to look at him, her smile creating that singular warmth in his chest that only she could procure. She held out her hand to him again.

Don't let go again Adrian. Promise me you won't ever let go.

I won't his reply felt vague, like he was lying to her, like he had already broken that promise before. The pain came back again, he could feel it building inside again. He could feel the weight pulling him down, a surge of heat clouding his mind. He wanted to scream, he wanted to...

It's all your fault. It's always been your fault.

The light grew brighter, his held out hand never making it's way to hers. He had never even held her in the first place. He was losing her again, the light was taking her from him again. It always did that, it always punished him that way. And those damn voices, they never stopped talking. They never stopped tormenting.

She would still be here if you had never let her go. It's all your fault. You ungrateful boy, how many people do you need to loose for you to be completely alone. You're alone now... There's no one left anymore Adrian.

Stop he screamed at them but they went on. He clawed his hand into his head and fell to his feet, the light was coming for him to. He wouldn't look at it. That's what the voices wanted and they always got what they wanted.

Adrian a voice called out to him but it was less audible over the others. He dug his face in his hands, he screams echoing in his own head. He deserved it... He deserved it all.

Adrian please... Wake up.

No, he wouldn't open his eyes. The light would take him again. It would take him and he wouldn't be able to see her again.

I'm here Adrian the voice was becoming clearer. It was clearing its way through the walls keeping him inside. He let his hands fall to his side. He let whatever that was left of him fall one more time. He had nothing left to loose anymore.

He opened his eyes and the light grew brighter, engulfing him once more. He let it take him, to the plains of its cruel solitude. To where they kept him, in that cold white room. Where he'd seen her first, where it had only been just them. Where he had not yet been broken, he had been whole. And she had kept him that way. With her smile and those eyes that brought life into his dead self.

But she's gone now. And it's more than I deserve.