Endings: Book One

Chapter Four: Mirror Memories

Love is what melts the heart, bleeding it dry. Law and discipline harden it.

-Andrew Cadillan.

Twelve years ago.

Adrian couldn't breathe, even if he wanted to. His nostrils strained to configure its available resources to its advantage but failed nonetheless. Not that there was much of a choice when you were submerged in the depths of unfathomable waters. His body fell limp, he did not do anything. It pleaded for the thinnest gasp of air, his will fading ever so quickly, but still he did not make any attempt to rescue himself from his sure demise. His eyes were wide open, they did not dare close. He could see everything playing out before him, his entire life spanning out against the waters. And as the light from the distant sun touched him faintly, his arms slowly raised to its rays. As if they could touch the glorious beams and finally find purpose

I want to remember this.

This was a punishment, yet it did not seem like one. He did not fight anymore, he did not struggle with the expectations and the responsibilities laid before him. He did not let his mind think, in fact, at that simple moment duty mattered so little to him. It was just him, alone in the cold waters of their country side lake house.

As he immersed deeper letting the waves take him, he let the emotions finally cloud over him.
They cemented themselves in his consciousness and threatened with vile destruction. Every essence of his being was literally screaming for him to snap out of it but he drifted in the water, his body limp and motionless. And as the cold water stabbed his nostrils and found it's way down his throat, filling his stomach and lungs simultaneously he embraced the torment.

It was this easy. It will all be over soon.

The present

Adrian slowly opened his eyes to find himself staring at his elaborate bathroom ceiling, its lighting now the source of further misery. He did not squint against it but lay there half expecting for something to happen. The same moment relived a million times over but still feeling like it had just happened. He stayed a while longer inside the water, his baths were a part of his time to time meditation.

Every single part of you is reflected by who you were, who you are and who you're going to be. Embrace the past, to live in the present, to face the future. Then, only then is true peace certain.

He let the words run through him once more, her voice not as clear as it used to be, searching for the assured peace but never finding it. In defeat, he slowly lifted his head from the waters of his bath and took a deep desperate breath.

It wasn't that easy.

He rose and walked across the wet tiled floor to the towel drawer. It looked like an eternity had passed since he'd got into the jacuzzi, though his watch told him he'd taken less than an hour.

I guess I'm gonna be early then.

The slow classical music playing in the background lightened his mood, though he could do with a bit of jazz. He had always thought of himself as a very simple man. But his mother always insisted that he was the most complex among her children.

She had many reasons to justify her claims but Adrian rarely shared the same view with most of them. See, he knew his family all too well to know that they were all the same. If he was complicated, they were too.