Eternal Saṃsāra: The Wanderer of Worlds

[90] You need to see a Psychologist!

Chapter 90: You need to see a Psychologist!

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Ai's small hands held the white blanket in front of her chest. Her grip on it shook as she stared down at the ground.

Mothers are gentle creatures toward their children. They are vulnerable, especially to their children's criticism.

What I said to Ai was disheartening, she must be feeling more pain than what I felt from her attacks just earlier.

What she did was wrong, but I shouldn't have said all that. I wouldn't have, if not for my Venerable ego acting up.

While I don't have multiple personality disorder in the traditional sense, the boundaries become blurred when influenced by an Icon from a past life. Since they grant me powers as well as the appearance from my past lives, it naturally also amplifies that side of my personality to a high degree. So while under the influence of an Icon, it's not wrong to say I have multiple personalities.

That's why the Different Kings were glaring at each other earlier.

I should have been more careful before choosing to dive into the Crown Icon's dark side. Because of me, she's now like this...

Having grown up without a father and with a drug-addicted, abusive mother who eventually abandoned her, how could she possibly know how to be the ideal parent? Yet she tried her best, and succeeded for the most part. She couldn't be blamed for anything.

I sighed and closed my eyes. My hands moved to grab the blanket from her hands and wrapped it around her. Then I opened my eyes and looked into her eyes, leaning down a little to meet her eye level.

"I didn't mean all that," I said as gently as I could. She looked subdued. She didn't reply and gently slipped down on the couch. I was starting to really feel guilty.

'Stupid.'

I sat down beside her on the couch, my mind racing with a multitude of thoughts.

...People might think that having lived for so long and so many different lives, it'd be hard to care for others. People will be right in thinking that. In these 15 years I lived here, how many individuals did I truly care about?

For example, Shoko Nishimiya. While I liked that girl, did I really 'care' about her? I am sure she'll be hurt to know, but no, I do not. It's just how it is. I don't care about two out of three of my girlfriends either, but I will make an effort to change that in the upcoming months. I'll try.

Beyond the three members of my Sect – Ruby, Tsubasa, and Mem – whom I make an effort to care about, amongst whom Ruby is an exception, there is only one other person. It's this woman, and in truth, she comes first before them.

I wasn't an orphan in my first life, I had parents of my own. So in my upcoming life, I began to lose touch with my new parents. They just couldn't be compared to my first parents; it was harder to think of my new parents as really 'parents' since I was often older than them.

All that changed in my 5th life.

This perception was shattered when I was born to a thousand-year-old vampire. She was the oldest parent I had, and she was also older than me back then. So for once it felt like I was truly being taken care of. And as it was my first life as something other than a human, she truly had to show me around the way of life like I was new at it.

She excellently fulfilled the role of a parent, a mother. Emmanuelle Knightsbane Draconia – her memories linger with me to this day, and I doubt it will ever fade.

Since my 5th life, I have come to appreciate my parents a lot more. Especially my mothers.

Though, only in this life, my 11th, did I feel so close to a mother after my 5th. And oddly enough, Ai was the opposite of my Emmanuelle. She's young, childish, and not quite motherly for my standards. Yet, I... liked her a lot. She's lovely.