I Wish You Never Met Me

20

Warning: depictions of violence ahead. 

CHAPTER 20

I could feel my heart thumping.

My ribs felt tight, hands clammy and sweaty. The sounds of the beats skipping every now and again. I felt like I was swimming in a pool that was twelve feet deep. The water sitting at my jaws hovering over my nose and lips. I could barely breathe. Everything sounded muffled and barely audible. Today's the day. The first of many and here I was feeling like a fish out of water.

My breathing picked up. Mind clouded with the memories of everything that happened to me. I was going to see these people again. The same people who hurt me back then. The same people who watched my demise and did nothing. The same people who laughed in my face as I got humiliated. My blood was boiling and yet panic had set in.

I hated this place. The courtroom. It was the place where my demise began. My end, my suffering, and everything that followed Kayden. His name sounded foreign. I haven't said that name in a long time, but it still makes my skin crawl. However, I wasn't sitting on the other side anymore.

There sat a gray-haired man dressed in a light, washed gray suit. And next to him another gray-haired, stress inducing organism of Earth—this time in a black suit—stress living within the contours of his facial features. The fine lines at his eyes and the bags underneath said enough. He hadn't slept properly. I don't think anyone in the education industry sleeps to be very honest. At the defendant table their lawyer. Let's just say that he was one of many people that worked for a certain law firm.

"Order in the court," the judge arrived sitting in his seat next to the podium. All the side conversations ended the moment the seat was taken. I don't know but my stomach churned. These things always made my stomach churn.

I'll never forget the first time I was in here. It was debilitating. Humiliating and here I was again. Fighting a battle, I have no hope to win. I lost hope. I lost it the moment I realized how much power they had. They had a brick wall that I was desperately trying to kick through, but I only hurt myself in the process. But now it's different. Beneath the façade that I've been holding, the one that's been breaking, lived a girl who just wanted to be happy. A girl who just wanted to live normally again.

The air in the room was constricting, my heart doing backflips, pounding against my ribcage, quickening my breaths. Tears pinned themselves at my tear ducts eager to fall in a land of joy. This was it. The moment I've been dreaming of. The school I used to attend allowed me to go through this. They coddled her. Allowed her to do as she pleased with me. This was the start.

The start to her public burial.

"We are gathered here for the people versus Hawkins's case." The judge announcing and pounding the ladle against the table. "Mr. Hanks, would you like to start things off?"

Amongst the audience, I almost wondered if my eyes were deceiving me. Because they picked out the familiar combed, kept black hair and the deep brown eyes I used to get lost looking into. I was always curious as to what lied behind them once. Now I could see it all, I could read everything. The sadness, the anger, the regret the confusion all mixed into one. It was all aimed at me. There were words he wanted to say, words he wanted me to hear. But it was futile. I wasn't going to listen. I wasn't going to fall again. I wasn't going to ignore the red flags that swayed in the wind next to him anymore.

"Your honor, I'd like to start by calling Ms. Hawkins to the stand," Mr. Hanks told the judge and placing whatever he had in his hand on the table.

Before I left, I felt Jaxson's hand over mine. His eyes showing assurance telling me everything was going to be okay. "You got this."