Fate (C.L)

Chapter 1

               
...January 2022...

Today was the day.... the day that I would be walking down the aisle to my future. It's scary to think that at 26 years old I will be someone's wife.

I can't help but smile as I remember the times when I was five years old dressing up in our mothers wedding dresses with my best friend Lucy. We would dream about how our lives would be as we grew up.

We would always say that no matter what or no matter where we were in the world we would always be there for each other through the good, the bad and the ugly. Lucy has always been my person, we were inseparable growing up, and too this day we are still inseparable. She is the only person besides my family that I can count on, she loves me unconditionally.

It's crazy how much has changed since the days when we would dress up in wedding dresses and plan our imaginary weddings.

Looking at myself in the mirror... my blue eyes starring back at me as I took a deep breath.

My long brown hair in a low bun with wisps of hair framing my face. My freckles hidden under the layers of makeup that I never usually wore, I looked unrecognizable.

The nerves of the wedding making me feel nauseous. I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders and that I could throw up at any minute.

I could feel a small tear form at the corner of my eye as it slowly rolled down my cheek. I reached up and wiped it away as I contemplated my next move. I had watched enough romantic movies to know, I wasn't supposed to be feeling this way on my wedding day.

Was it cold feet or was it my body telling me that marrying him was not the right decision?

Before I met Jake I was a different person then the one staring back at me today.

But now that I'm staring at my reflection in the mirror, I'm starting to hate the person I have become. I have become someone who lets herself be manipulated, treated like crap and never stands up for herself, because I was scared to rock the boat.

I've become the women who begs to be loved by the person who is treating her horribly.

I have been so focused on making him happy that I have neglected myself, and what I needed to make myself happy.

Growing up my parents made sure that my sister and I always knew how strong and powerful we are. Somewhere along the way I lost that sense of empowerment, and all I wanted was to get that feeling back.

I used to love going on adventures. Lucy and I were constantly going on fun adventures, traveling the world and exploring different countries and cultures.

Heck I even spent my early 20's living in Australia and England, working as a live in nanny.

Working with children is one of the only things that truly made me feel happy and free. Like I can be 100 percent myself.... I feel confident and I'm not afraid of being judged when I am with children.

I could escape from my head, the part of me that is constantly worried about people judging me. So I made it my mission to make working with children my career.

Jake always hated that I chose to work with children as my career. I would always hear 'get a real job,' 'your job is so easy anyone could do it... I could even do it if I wanted too.'

Every single time he would make those comments he made me feel useless and worthless.

Did I  really want to marry someone who made me feel this way?

If you asked me six years ago about my wedding day, I would have told you it would have been the best day of my life.

Things at the beginning were perfect, he swept me off my feet and made me feel so loved and like I was his priority.