Goodbye

Page 37

For how long did I wait for my results? A week or maybe two? Not really. I waited about a month. Every day was filled with anxiety for me. I checked every second if they had sent me my results but it was always the same drama. Nothing.

Lucy-Ann assured me that stuff like this took time. Nevertheless I imagined the worst scenarios in my mind. What if they had lost my exam or worse, what if I had not passed? Was all of this really for nothing?

You do not know how I felt, once I got the mail. Lucy-Ann was with me. My heart was beating so damn fast and I was feeling nauseous. I was breathing heavily and even lost control over my own body. Lucy-Ann gently held my hand to calm me down. I took a deep and long breath and waited for my blood to stop rushing through my entire body. Once I was in a position to think straight, I opened the mail. I closed my eyes because I did not want to see the results but Lucy-Ann told me to take a look. Never before had it been so hard for me to open my eyes. It was as if they were glued together. Slowly I forced myself to open them. At first all I saw was the white light coming from the laptop but then I read one word and only one. It was the word congratulations.

I could not believe it. For some reason salty tears started running down my face. I tried to wipe them away but they kept on coming. I was happy. Too happy. I hugged Lucy-Ann tightly and thanked her for everything she had done. The first thing I did was calling Emilia to tell her the good news. I have a feeling that she was even more happy than I was.

"I knew... that... you could... do it. Congratulations... Alec. I'm... proud... of you..."

I probably spent the entire day calling everyone I knew to tell them that I had passed. I, Alec Miller, had the right to study astronomy at a university. If anybody would have told me this a few years ago, I would have straight up laughed at them. I had so little trust in myself that even after I got my results, I told myself that I must have been dreaming. This was too good to be true. I was going back to the place where I once ran away from.

I enjoyed my last days of work, since I knew fully well that soon I would not get to see those people anymore. The office used to scare me but now it had become a place I knew as well as my own pocket. All those people were not strangers anymore. So much had changed. The only thing that had stayed the same was the fact that I had not told anybody about my past yet.

On my last day I was showered with presents. The elderly women all brought chocolate for me and told me that I should eat more. Some of the men put their arms around me and joked about how they finally had a chance with the women now that I was gone. It all just seemed so familiar.

In my break I was talking to Lucy-Ann about how she wanted us to stay in contact. I was surprised once I saw Mila. She came to talk to me. She wanted to wish me a good start in university, before she proceeded to leave. The moment she turned around something inside of me told me to call out to her. Without a single thought inside my mind I did what I was asked to do.

"Mila wait!"

Mila looked at me in disbelief. I cleared my through, as I looked her directly in the eyes.

"There's something that I wanted to tell you before I leave. I know I told you this already but I was never really honest about my past. Will you please hear me out for just a second?"

Mila did not say anything. She just watched me and eventually she calmly nodded.

"You might have heard about it. A few years ago there was an incident that made it all over the news. A mother sexually abused her underage son. She made him work as a prostitute in a red light district ."

"I vaguely remember something like that. Didn't she also film him while having sex and uploaded it on the internet?" Lucy-Ann suddenly asked. I nodded. Mila was deep in her thoughts. Her eyes switched between me and the floor before suddenly she had a realisation. I noticed how her entire body was trembling.

"I remember. The name of the son was... Alec. Alec Miller." I nodded. All of a sudden she understood everything but not just she. Lucy-Ann fell down from her chair. It took her a second to get up again.

"I guess Alec really is a celebrity name. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about this. I wasn't dating you because I loved you. In the end it was all just about sex. For years I've been told that this is the only thing that I'm good for. That's why I always got worried when you touched me. I know that I don't deserve your forgiveness but I really hope that maybe we can be friends."

Neither Lucy-Ann nor Mila knew what to say. They blankly looked at me, before Mila suddenly apologised and ran away. I did not blame her for doing that. It was not an easy topic and honestly, she had any right to run away.

I shyly smiled at Lucy-Ann. She felt sorry for what had happened to me. I could tell. Her skin turned even more pale. I did not even know this was possible. Nevertheless, she was grateful about the fact that I had finally told her the truth. I did not want our last day together to turn out like this but now it was already too late. I got up and left, since I had a feeling that Lucy-Ann wanted to be alone and the same went for me.

The last thing that I had expected was to run into James. I did not look where I was going so basically I just bumped into him. Luckily nothing happened. Usually in movies both parties would fall to the ground. We just apologised to each other and then shared an awkward silence, before he sighed and asked me if I was really going. I nodded. He suddenly started reminiscing about the good old times. With that he meant the time when Mila and I were still together.

"Listen James, that between Mila and me is over. We've talked about it already and I don't think it's a good idea to bring it up again, especially since it's my last day here."

I was ready to leave, I really was but suddenly he held me by the wrist. His grip was too strong for me so no matter how much I struggled, I could not free myself from it. My mind was worried and confused at the same time. What was going on? I could not read his eyes at all. They were blank just like Emilia's.

"You didn't visit your mom. I wonder how she's doing in that psychiatric clinic. She must have probably forgotten all about you already. I mean after all she's only in there because you told the police the truth, despite knowing what would happen to her. First she lost her husband and then you. Poor woman, all she ever wanted was someone to hold her, after her parents died in the war but I guess you already know all about it."

For a simple second I tried to understand if I heard him wrong or if I was going insane. The blood inside my veins was boiling. It had to be a dream otherwise I could not explain this situation. All of a sudden the world just stopped turning around. I felt a cold shiver run down my spine.

"How do you know about my mother?"