Goodbye

Page 31

"Sorry about my family. They can be a bit troublesome from time to time. Anyways, make yourself comfortable."

There was a picture of Mint and her family on one of the drawers. This picture was probably taken in spring. The trees were slowly regaining their pure green colour and it was not warm enough yet to only wear a shirt.

"Don't worry about this. It seems kind of nice to have a family."

I did not expect Mint to break out in laughter. I glanced at her but she still continued to laugh until this laugh turned into coughing. I asked her if she needed some water but she told me that she was fine.

"Sorry for laughing but the way you phrased it, made it sound as if you don't have a family."

"I don't." The moment I uttered those words, Mint turned silent. She just looked at me in disbelief and when she realised that I was serious, she apologised for laughing. I told her that it was fine. I told her not to worry. It was not as if my parents were dead. They were both pretty much alive. My father was married to a woman that hated his ex enough to put her hands on their son. He did not care, since he blamed his son for being divorced from his first wife. My stepbrother was probably in prison by now and my mother was stuck in a psychiatric hospital.

I felt like Mint pitied me. She had that look in her eyes, which told me that she had not expected all of this. I knew this look all too well. People always looked at me like this, when they found out the truth about my past. I despised this look more than anything else in this world. It made me feel small.

"Sorry, this sounds more depressing than it actually is. I kind of have a big sister. Her name is Gigi. We are not related by blood but she's always been there for me. She's got a daughter, so I guess this makes me an uncle." I tried to smile. I tried to pretend like it did not bother me. My family was never an easy topic for me to talk about. I was not ashamed of Gigi like others were. I looked up to Gigi. She was strong and independent. It was not her fault that she ended up in that situation. I guess you could have said that she was just unlucky.

It made me glad to know that she could have been happy now. She had a great man by her side and a lovely daughter. The man loved the daughter despite her not being his own blood. To him a family was what he made of it.

"I was also taken in by another family. They were kind of weird. The father was an aspiring novelist and often pretended to be the main character in a play. His wife was always fed up with his childish behaviour but she loved him anyways. Oh and by the way, they had two children. A son and a daughter. Their son was nice and athletic and just perfect. Their daughter on the other hand was more the quiet type. She barely ever talked. Still, everyone called her a genius. She had a detective like perception." I took a second to breathe, before I continued to talk.

"After the son died, everything kind of changed. They were devastated, obviously. The daughter shut herself in because she gave herself the fault for his death. I didn't realise in how much agony the daughter was until the day she tried to jump from a bridge. I was there by coincidence and when I saw her, I rushed in to save her."

I felt as if I was drained from all my energy. Every time I thought about it, I realised the impact I had on Emilia's life. A second. Just a single second would have been enough. If she had died, what would I have done? No matter how much I thought about it, I didn't want to imagine a world without her. Sure, what I did later that night was not right. In fact, it was something that could best be described as absolutely inhuman. However, Emilia forgave me. Bill and I were not really that different. The only thing that set us apart was the fact that I had understood my mistake, while he did not want to believe that what he did was wrong until the very end.

How did Mint feel about listening to my story? Was she devastated? It was not a story that was easy to swallow. Yet, I had a feeling that Mint understood me. Her feelings were sincere. When she looked me in the eyes, I really did believe that we had some kind of mutual understanding.

"You've changed." She suddenly muttered.

"You really think so?"

"Absolutely. Something about you is different. I don't know if it makes any sense but you seem happier. Did something happen while you were away?"

I had to bite my lip because I did not know how to answer. I knew that it was not right but now that I was standing right in front of her, I could not say it. I could not break her heart like it did not matter to me, so I did what I believed to be right. As my heart was beating fast, I told Mint that there was something I needed to talk about with her however that it could wait. I did not want to upset her just yet. Nevertheless, Mint caught on.

She looked me dead in the eyes and all of a sudden she sighed. I was not too sure what to think of it. I had never seen her in such vulnerable way. It felt as if I was not the one that had I changed. Instead it had been Mint.

"Just say it straight to my face. You want to break up, don't you?"

For a second it was so quiet that I was in fact sure that Mint could hear my heart beating fast. She did not look at me. She looked at her own feet. The atmosphere was heavy. Nobody dared to even say a word. Time had frozen. It was just the two of us. If I did not know any better, I would have said that we were the only ones in this building.

There was no reason for me to deny it. I wanted to break up. This was the absolute truth. However, why did it hurt so much? It should have been her not me. For some reason I was the more miserable one of us.

"Are you mad?" I asked cautiously. Right after I said this nonsense, I realised how idiotic it was. Asking the person you are breaking up with whether they are mad about it. Of course she was mad. I used her, without caring about her feelings even for a second.

To my surprise Mint stayed quiet. She watched her feet for a few more seconds, before she shook her head. All of a sudden I remembered something James had told me about all the other guys she had dated before. I was just another guy that came by. She had already been used to the fact that nobody really loved her.

 I realised that every second I spent in this room was a second too much for her. She was hurting, even if she tried to not show it. I could have sworn that a tear was running down her face. My limbs felt too numb to do anything. I understood that the time had come for us to part ways. I was going to leave her behind.

"I'm sorry for everything. You're amazing and beautiful and smart. The truth is, there is this girl I like. I've been in love with her for a while now. I knew that there was no way for us to be together, so I tried to move on. Turns out I never got over my feelings. If we had met under different circumstances, I most likely would have become the guy you wanted me to be. I hope that we can still be friends. Goodbye." And so I left.