Goodbye

Page 21

After the call with Salem, I had decided to stay for a few more days. Aside from that, I needed to get some more distance between Mint and me. She called me every day and sent me at least a thousand messages. This time around I told her that I was going to be busy and that I would probably not get to answer any of her messages or calls. She was not too fond of the whole thing but she told me that my friends were more important right now. I was grateful for her being so understanding.

I got myself some water and watched Emilia carry around all the plants. Honestly, I had absolutely no clue what she was doing but at least she seemed to enjoy herself. When she noticed me, she nodded and I nodded back. I did not really pay my phone any mind. Mint sent me a few pictures and when I looked at them, I suddenly spit all the water out. Frightened Emilia turned around to look at me. A second. Just for a second I had been looking at naked pictures of Mint and a message telling me that she sent those, so I would not feel too lonely. I turned off my phone, before she would sent me a video. I felt like my mind had just gone blank.

"She sent you nudes, without you asking for them? Damn, that girl is committed." Esra remarked. We had met up at the coffee shop we went to the other day. I had told her about what happened earlier this morning. She had the irony written all over her round face.

"That's not commitment, that's dangerous. What if somebody else got to see them? I mean, I instantly deleted them but what if I forgot about it and someone like you would look through my phone?"

I thought my logic made perfect sense. Esra however did not agree with me. She thought that I was overreacting. I told her that I was seriously worried about what Mint was doing, to which Esra pointed out that she just wanted to help me. I looked Esra dead in the eyes, as I reminded her of the fact that I felt uncomfortable touching my own hands. What in the world was I supposed to do with those pictures? My prideful announcement backfired.

"So, does that mean you haven't kissed Emilia yet?"

"What are you talking about?! We just started dating like half a day ago. I could never do that to her."

"Then what's the difference between you guys being just friends and you guys dating?"

I thought about this for a while. Esra was not wrong. Somehow nothing had changed, besides the fact that Emilia was aware of my feelings. It was different from what Mint and I had. Emilia would never send me nude pictures of her because I would never get to see her like this in the first place. It was not as if I was unhappy about our current situation. Just being by her side made me happy enough but how did Emilia feel? Did she want me to kiss her? Did she want me to touch her? Did she want to do the things Mint and I did?

Emilia never saw me as more than a friend and honestly, she never wanted us to be more than that. What made her agree to date me? Did she just do it out of kindness? I told her that I loved her but she just nodded. I simply assumed that this nod meant that she loved me as well.

When I got back to her house, I was surprised that I could not find Emilia anywhere. Only when I got to the living room, I noticed the castle that was built from chairs and the plain black blanket. I carefully took a look underneath the blanket and found Emilia, who was sitting there in her pink pyjamas. She motioned with her hand for me to come in.

"Lights. Door." I closed the door and turned off the lights. Only when I tried to fit into the castle, I noticed the unfamiliar object in front of her. It was quite cozy with the two of us and the object underneath the blanket. I wished that I would not bump into anything and thus destroy whatever the hell she tried to do.

When I tried to ask Emilia what was going on, she made a sound to tell me that I should stay quiet. I was not sure what she was doing. It was too dark. All I heard were some clicking sounds and all of the sudden I saw light. It was a dim light, barely noticeable but enough to make me see Emilia. Only now I managed to take a good look at the the object. It was a metal box with a  big lens on it. It looked familiar but where had I seen it before? I tried to think back and the moment I noticed Emilia's face, I finally remembered. I looked up at the blanket and was greeted by white stars, planets and rockets. It did not look real at all but it was beautiful.

Nameless stars, distant planets, rockets all around them. It was beautiful to look at in this darkness. It took me back to when we got this little machine. It did not work back then. Something was broken and we did not know what it was but now it worked. It looked even better than I imagined it to. Everything was perfect.

When I looked at Emilia and her with stars covered face, I noticed that she was faintly smiling. You could barely tell. Did she repair it? What an idiot. A beautiful idiot.

"It's so pretty." Emilia nodded.

I did not want to leave this little paradise. I wanted to stay forever. It was just like a dream. It made me forget about the cruelty of the real world. Just for a little bit, I wanted to stay longer. I wanted to hold Emilia's hand and I wanted to continue looking at the stars with her. Her hands were warm. I liked the warmth of her body.

Was this what she imagined to happen, when she gave me this thing as a gift? I never told her that it was broken. She probably would have repaired it somehow.

I wrote her a message. I promised that I would never do that but I did it anyways. I did not know what to say exactly. I wrote the message and I deleted it. I wrote another message and then I deleted it again. I took a deep breath. I knew what I wanted to tell her. I did not write her a message. I called her. No one picked up. I left a message for her.

Hey. I know, I promised to not contact you but I hope you're doing fine. How is your daughter? Her birthday is coming up, isn't it? I feel like it was yesterday, when I visited you at the hospital but actually it's been a year. To be honest, that's not the reason why I called. I wanted to tell you some stuff. First of all, I actually came back. Just for a week or two. I got to see Emilia again and well, it's kind of embarrassing to say but we're dating. I know, I know, you told me to stay away from her but really, I just love that girl too much. That reminds me, I'm doing better now. It's weird but I'm actually starting to get over it. You probably won't believe it but I can hold Emilia's hand. Everything else is still a little difficult but I can do that much now so be proud of me! Aside from that, I think I found some friends. They're really nice to me. Well, actually they hate my guts but at the same time they talk to me and listen to what I have to say. I guess that's what you call friendship. Anyways, I just wanted to tell you that I'm doing better and that I'm slowly healing. I hope that we will see each other one day. I don't want to miss out on your daughters first day of school.

She heard the message. It made her smile.