EVELYN

Eighteen

Each breath was deeper than the last and held for longer than the last, letting the smoke fester in my lungs. It was my own fucked form of meditation, as I sat in the safe silence of the night. My balcony overlooked the vast nothing of darkness, outlined by lights of the city centre in the distance. In this moment when it was peaceful, you could catch the faint sounds of traffic and noise from afar.

I let shoulders ease down, as I blew out diminished fumes, washing it down with a bottle of pinot grigio that was lying around in my room. The mellow buzz trickled through my bloodstream, starting to haze my mind and blocking the cold feeling from the soft breeze. The serenity was short lived, as the bottle was begrudgingly stolen from my finger tips.

'Didn't your parents ever teach you manners?' I muttered between a scoff.

I watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed gulp after gulp. Nathan worked at downing the rest of the bottle, before turning to me with his devilishly handsome smirk. I feigned anger at him, smacking his toned chest in reprimand to him necking the rest of the bottle.

'My bad. Guess we will have to open another.' He spoke, reaching behind me to grab another bottle I had brought out.

His body came close to mine; too close for two people who were drinking in the middle of the night. My body stayed put, as I watched him swerve his arm around me, bringing his body towards mine. Recoiling back, I saw his jaw tighten in the shadows, resting back against the chair next to me. He twisted the cap off then handed me the bottle to have the first sip. Taking several gulps of the crisp wine, I smoothed my tongue across my lower lip catching the residue that coated it.

Nathan shuffled in his seat, sitting towards with his forearms rested against his thigh, emulating the authority of any dad about to have a serious talk. In sync with him, I crossed my legs towards him interlocking my fingers, mocking his stance before he was able to utter a word.

'Can I help you or are you about to break some bad news to me?' I chided, angling my head with an innocent smile pulling at my cheeks.

'Nah, I want you tell me what's going on with you and Myles.' Quickly regaining some earnest expression to cover the little laugh he let out.

It was pretty predictable that this was going to come up, despite my feeble reassurance that it was unnoticed at dinner earlier. Myles' cryptic message was anything but subtle, blatantly criticising me in front of them both. My head rolled back, letting an exasperated huff out as my inebriated mind fumbled with what to do. It didn't help that the only solutions I found was fucking him, telling him or kicking him out of my life and business.

'He got pissed off and was getting too involved in my shit.' I said sharply, locking my arms over my chest, 'Like you are trying to do now.'

'So this is why you don't have friends.' He announced like he had completed a puzzle, 'You can't deal with boundaries or something?'

'I don't have boundary issues.' I stated sharply, 'I also don't need a therapist.'

I reached for another cigarette to soothe the nerves winding up in my stomach. This conversation felt like a trap for him to unearth some hidden side from me of a fragile girl who needed love and care. Unfortunately for Nathan, that was so far and too complex from reality; I'm content with me, and me alone.

'Trust me I ain't no therapist.' He relaxed back chuckling, allowing room for my growing agitation to subside, 'To be honest, I can't figure you out and it pisses me off.'

'What is there to figure out?' I shrugged nonchalantly inhaling the smoke through my body, 'You don't need to complicate it.'

His hands rubbed out his face, visibly lost in his own head. Releasing a frustrated huff from his nose, Nathan sat forward once again reaching for the wine. I was completely lost in what this conversation was even about and seemed he knew no better than me. The subtle light emphasised the shadow of his furrowed brow and  striking jawline, as he consumed the liquid into his mouth. Breaking from his lips, he set his deep green eyes back to mine with a hidden confusion.