Luna's Struggle

• CHAPTER 41 •

Struggles & Betrayals

Luna's Struggle

2514 words.

After a tumultuous night, Killua found himself in tears, pleading with Alpin to give him some space. The thought of training was unbearable; all he desired was to remain cocooned in his bed. The events of the previous day, specifically the transformation incident at school, had left him emotionally battered, and the unkindness he experienced from others only intensified his distress.

Alpin remains unyielding, offering no leniency, while Gon barely acknowledges him. Despite lingering anger, Gon's caring nature shines through. Upon awakening, Killua discovers that Gon has not only cleaned him up but has also set a tray of nourishing food on the nightstand, accompanied by a soothing ointment for his aching body.

He expected to stay in bed, but Alpin emphasized the importance of today's training.

"You're going to learn how to control that little pup of yours." When Alpin said that, Killua didn't know how he jumped off the bed to shower and get ready.

Finally, Alpin taught Killua a way to connect with his wolf. Meditation.

When Alpin suggested meditation, Killua initially responded with a sarcastic stare. However, upon giving it a genuine try, he discovered that this was no ordinary human meditation. As he immersed himself in the practice, he deeply sensed the presence of his wolf, and the experience was far from typical—it nearly sapped all his energy. To his surprise, he realized that his wolf harbored a desire for his demise.

"Disconnect from the distractions of the world and concentrate on your inner self. Your wolf is not a distinct entity; it embodies your instincts and desires—the facet devoid of cognitive thought. It's the primal force seeking power and pleasure within you," Alpin elucidated. "Your objective is to establish a connection with this inherent aspect, embrace it, and achieve a harmonious balance with your cognitive functions. This synergy is crucial for the seamless shift and transformation, enabling your brain to assert control throughout this metamorphosis."

It seemed easy when Alpin explained it, however, it wasn't. He didn't know what things to say or think when he closed his eyes. All Alpin instructed him to do was to follow his instinct. Sadly, he wasn't trained to do that in his school, so he didn't know how to block the function of his brain and just act like an animal.

The only thing that he was able to do was to stop thinking and keep swimming in a dark pool of his mind.

A few days had passed with hours of this useless training. Alpin started to leave him to 'meditate' and went to help the pack with preparations, so he was totally alone. He rested on the grass and groaned when a whole hour had passed again without any progress.

"Fuck this. If you don't want to connect then don't, fucker. I don't want to either." Is he even talking to someone? Alpin said his wolf is himself, so there is no one in particular to connect with.

He could feel the presence of something, but he barely understood with whom he was connecting. He's connecting with his wolf, but his wolf is himself. His back and butt hurt from sitting for hours without any progress.

What was weird is that partially he knows that what he's doing is wrong and he has to disconnect from the world even more. He didn't know why he was thinking like that, so he decided to consider this instinct.

In the second week, Killua started enjoying this meditation. He enjoyed the calm and not talking to people. He loved the air bumping and cooling his face. So, the meditation wasn't paused for him to groan every aimless hour. No. It resumed for three consecutive hours nonstop. That's when Killua felt something roaming inside him, angry and unhumane.