I tore my ACL nearly a month ago and I'm finding it really hard. The physio and rehab is so physically tiring and the emotional side of it is so draining. It's such a shock going from doing something you love everyday, to not being able to do it for months. I'm just finding it really difficult to cope with. I'm a very independent person and i hate to rely on people for things so being injured and not being able to be independent is very hard for me.
Katie has been looking after me for the first few weeks when I couldn't do anything but now I've got a bit of mobility back I'm boo adamant to be independent again, which she isn't too happy with.
"Are you ready" Katie called from the kitchen of her house that I have basically moved into.
"Yeah, I'm coming" I reply a bit out of breath from rushing around.
When we get to the car and Katie tries to help me into it.
"It's fine Katie, I got it" I say giving her a tight lipped smile as I climb into the car. She lets out a sigh,
"You're going to hurt it more by not letting me help you" she says as she walks to the driver seat of the car.
When we finish the short journey to training, I start getting out of the car before Katie can try and help me and she grabs our bags and we head into the building. As always I watch the girls go out to the pitch to train and I'm stuck in the gym doing painful exercises. As Katie and Viv pass the gym they give me a smile and a wave which I reciprocate.
After training my body is so tired and all I want to do is lie down. I wait for Katie at the entrance of the building and when she is finally ready to leave we walk to the car together. When we get to the car Katie is trying to help me into the car which I know is just her being nice but my tired brain is just getting increasingly more annoyed.
"Katie I'm fine,I can get in myself" i snap. After I say this she let's go of my arm and mutters something under her breath, I think it was along the lines of 'your so fucking stubborn' as she walked to the driver side of the car. It's true I am stubborn and I want to do everything myself. I hate relying on people, I feel like an inconvenience to them.
The drive home is mostly silent apart from the radio playing quietly. I can tell Katie is annoyed with me refusing help from her, but I don't see a problem with it.
When we arrive she doesn't offer to help me get out probably because she knows what I'm going to say, but she does bring in my bag which I appreciate.
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The rest of the evening had been quiet. We didn't speak much over the pasta dish katie made apart from the few words about training and my physio session today.
We're both getting ready for bed now and Katie has just got out of the shower and after she leaves wrapped in a towel I go in to brush my teeth and wash my face. I didn't get too far as my crutch slipped from under me due to the wet floor after Katie's shower.
"Fuck" I shout as I hit the floor. Thank god I landed on my bum because it would be very bad landing on my bad knee.
I heard Katie run back into the room from the kitchen presumably and into the bathroom.
"Oh my god, is your leg okay? I should've dried the floor" she lets out without taking a breath. Obviously worried about me hurting my leg.
"It's fine katie, I'm fine" i say as I stay seated and catch my breath. I see Katie take a big breath,
"You need to stop doing that" she says kneeling down next to me.
"Stop doing what" I say giving her a puzzled look.
"Stop saying you're fine when you're not. Nothing about this injury is fine and you need to give your body time to heal. That's why I'm here to help you. I want to help you y/n but you won't let me. I want to make sure you're okay. It's going to take a lot longer to heal if you are trying to do everything yourself. I know it's hard to let people help you sometimes but that what I'm here for" she says sitting opposite me on the wet tiles of the bathroom. What she says makes me think about how stubborn I've been and how oblivious I have been that my behavior is hindering my recovery.
"I'm sorry, I know you just want to help and I'm going to let you, i promise" I say giving her a small smile "I just find it hard not being independent anymore, and I find it hard to let people help me often. I just need to get used to it but thank you Katie, you're amazing and such a great help even if I don't let you be" I say the last line with a small chuckle, causing Katie to let out a small laugh too.
"Right come on you, let's get you off the floor and into bed" she says standing up and taking me by the hands and gently lifting me from the cold floor.
When I get into bed that night I decide to stop acting silly and let Katie help me. This recovery will be much easier if i let people in and let them help me when I need it even if I'm not used to it.
Sorry for the long wait. Hope you enjoy xx
Merry Christmas 🎄
