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ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ᴍʏ ʜᴇᴀʀᴛ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʏᴏᴜ — ɪᴅᴇᴀꜱ
you're alive, you're alive in my head.
1. ᴘᴀᴛ ᴅɪᴅɴ'ᴛ ʟᴇᴛ ᴘʀᴀɴ ᴅʀᴀɢ ᴘᴀᴀ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏꜰ ᴛʜᴇ ʀɪᴠᴇʀ:
Pran screams himself awake, body shaking and drenched with sweat. His hands scramble across the blankets, searching for something — for anything — to hold onto.
He finds Nong Nao.
He latches on.
The stuffed animal has long since stopped smelling anything like Pat, it smells like Pran now. It doesn't have that boyish edge to its scent like Pat, instead it smells slightly soft like Pran.
His heart twinges, painful, with misery and loss. Trembling, he clings to the doll.
It's been five years since Paa almost drowned.
It's been five years since Pat did drown.
It's been five years worth of nightmares for Pran.
It's been five years today, and that day still haunts Pran.
It's been five years, and Pran still can't work through the trauma of losing Pat.
So, he hugs Nong Nao to his chest, desperately inhaling ragged breaths that catch in his lungs. He squeezes his eyes shut and feels hot tears stain his cheeks.
He aches terribly...
It's been five years, and he is still trapped within white walls and a strict regime.
Pran looks up as the door opens, his vision blurry. "I'm fine, Khun Naan."
The nurse smiles faintly, a glass of water and a blister of pills in her hand. "Do you need these?"
"Not the pills."
"Just the water then." She places the water on Pran's bedside cupboard and then hesitantly squeezes his shoulder. "Try to get some more sleep, Khun Siridechawat."
Pran can't even muster a smile in return. "I will."
Five years, and Pran is still aching for Pat to come back.
2. ᴘᴀᴛ ᴅɪᴅɴ'ᴛ ꜱᴜʀᴠɪᴠᴇ ʙᴇɪɴɢ ꜱʜᴏᴛ:
Pran had him back... Pran had him back, for fucks sakes... After three years, Pran fucking had Pat back, but then...
Leaning up against the wall across from where Pat is laying on the hospital bed, Pran sobs.
Why...?
"I'm okay, Pran," Pat had murmured, hooked up to so many machines with loud noises that had made Pran's head hurt. "I'm not going anywhere, baby."
Pran had believed Pat when he said it. "I know, theerak. You would never leave me."
But then the machines had gotten louder, a long and continuous screech filling the air, and Pran had screamed. The doctors and nurses had to have pran dragged from the room, and then they had to sedate him.
Pran had fought until he couldn't anymore, vision going dark.
Pran had woken up an hour later, Nong Nao somehow by his side, sluggish with dried tears crusted around his eyes, and stared blankly at the ceiling.
Pat was gone. Pran had nothing left.
He watched the love of his life die, and he hadn't been able to do a damn thing.
Pran had stumbled from the hospital room, Nong Nao firmly in his grasp, and demanded to see Pat. The nurses were hesitant, but one of them had seen how Pran had completely broken down when Pat's heart stopped. They gave the okay, and Pran came face-to-face with... With...
Silent tears sting his eyes, staring at Pat, unmoving, on the hospital bed. He whimpers and haltingly reaches out to take Pat's hand in his, a broken sound leaving his lips at how cold Pat is now.
