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ᴛʜᴇʜᴀɴᴅꜱᴏꜰᴀɢᴏᴅ, ᴍᴀʏᴛʜᴇʏʙʟᴇꜱꜱʏᴏᴜ, ᴘᴜʀᴇᴍᴏʀᴛᴀʟ
i just miss you, in quite a simple, desperate, human way.
Melancholy.
A noun.
A feeling of pensive sadness, typically with no obvious cause.
From the word "melancholia," which came from the ancient greek word "µέλαινα χολή," or "melaina chole," which literally meant "black bile."
'It...fits,' Pran thinks, trailing his fingers across the mirror. 'Of all the human emotions, melancholy is the closest I can think of.'
Pat's grinning face changes on the screen, animatedly laughing without a sound, hand slapping against his thigh.
Pran wants to hear it again.
He wants to feel Pat's chest vibrate at his back as the human laughs. He wants to feel so giddy and ticklish inside as Pat slips an arm around Pran's waist and holds him close.
He wants to be able to hold Pat again. He wants to be held by Pat again, so desperately.
He wants to go back to earth. He wants to walk amongst the fleeting souls again.
He doesn't want to be trapped amongst the stars with only pompous celestial beings to talk with for eternity.
He wants Pat.
Fuck, he wants Pat.
He feels sick with how much he wants Pat.
"I could bring you to the stars, Pat," Pran had whispered on his final night. "You could be eternal with me, if you want to."
Pat had stared at him, stars being born in his eyes. "You can do that? You can take me to the stars?"
"Of course I can."
"Now? Please?"
"No, not now. Not until..."
Pat had realised, quickly. "You mean... I can't go to the stars until I've died on earth, can I?"
Pran looked down at him, a black hole in his chest. "I'm sorry, Pat..."
"It's okay! We will be in the stars together sooner than you know, Baby!"
That was almost a decade ago, and now all Pran can do is watch as Pat grows older by the day. He watches Pat laugh and smile and cry, and do his damndest to not follow in his father's footsteps.
'I just miss you, in a quite simple, desperate, human way,' Pran thinks, achingly.
He wants Pat by his side, right damn now, and he feels so damn greedy and selfish. And then he feels sick, because he is wishing for Pat to die before his time.
But he is sick with desperation to have Pat with him in the stars... He misses his puppy...
But, at least, Pat will be here with pran soon... And that is enough for Pran.
It is enough for Pran, but only just. He will deal with it, he has to, because a few decades is only a blip in time for a celestial like Pran.
