The dim glow of the dorm hall lights cast a subtle warmth against the cold walls of the Stray Kids dormitory.
I found myself lost in a sea of questions that refused to let me sleep.
Thoughts of whether Hyunjin was truly Yeosup or merely a striking resemblance of my twin brother plagued my mind.
The weight of uncertainty pressed heavily on my chest.
Changbin came out of the room and sat next to me.I could ask him about Hyunjin,may be he will answer some of my questions and clarify my doubts,I thought.
"Why are you not sleeping"?
I asked Changbin?
" I could ask you the same question"?,he mumbled while half asleep.
"No one around here talks straight,I scoffed".
"Jinnie is sleeping. He isn't well.
I have nasty sleeping habits.I snore too loudly.I didn't want Hyunjinnie to wake up so I just thought of sleeping here on the couch". Changbin's answer made me melt.
This boy seems so buff,rough and tough but he is actually a sweetheart.His answer made me be at peace.
I realised that my Yeosuppi at least had his friends to care for him. But wait is he actually Yeosup?
Now that Changbin was here I had to ask him.
Changbina,What happened? Why was Hyunjin on hiatus? I asked.
Hyuuuuung???? How could you forget????
You know how things have been lately?I answered to not seem clueless.
His mother was hospitalized recently.She had a stroke.So he took a leave to take care of her.
His mother?I asked with a curious face.
You surely do not pay attention do you? Yaaaa Lee Minho,who doesn't know Hyunjin's mom.
Hwang Nabi,the famous" Butterfly" businesswoman and also one of the main designer for our new 5 star album,he said
Butterfly I asked curiously? Looking at Changbin for an answer,but he had already fallen asleep.
I scoffed and pouted as I wanted to know more,I thought of calling Minho but it was already late.
How was his day at college?,I wondered.I hope he didn't have a tough time.
I looked towards the Hyunjin's room.I silently opened the gate and settled on the floor beside his bed. He was sleeping soundly.
I got a closer look at his face. It took me back to our childhood days when we used to fight over who gets the lower bed in a bunk bed.He always won the paper , scissor,stone and got the lower bed.This memory made me smile.
"Noona,Please don't leave me",he said in his sleep. his voice filled with vulnerability. The familiarity of the plea sent shivers down my spine.
Yeosup had the same habit.I could never tell him a secret,not because he would snitch on me but because he would babble about it in his dreams for everyone to hear.
"Noona, dont leave me please",he kept saying,tears falling down his eyes.
A surge of protectiveness enveloped me.
"Yeosupa,please don't cry,Noona is here.I won't leave you I promise",I whispered comforting him.
"Was he having a nightmare?
Did he still dream about that day when we were separated?
My eyes welled up recalling the day of his adoption.
Flashback-------
A couple came to the orphanage and they asked me about whether I would want to be a part of their family.They asked me to be their daughter?
I was elated but at the same time I couldn't leave my dongsaeng.He was very sick at that time.He always had high fever and I would stay awake to keep his temperature in check by cold towels on his forehead. I went to Yeosup and told him that I am being adopted by a family.
He wasn't fully awake.He often had fever dreams and would keep calling Amma and Appa but never me.Probably because he knew I wouldn't leave him.
For the first time in his dream,He started sobbing and begging me ,
"Noona please dont leave me",with tears rolling down his eyes,barely being conscious.
I fell to the ground and started crying too I couldn't get myself to leave him. I went to the couple and told them that I don't want to go with them.
They were surprised by my answer but eventually they suggested something I couldn't turn down,
"We will adopt your brother then".
This broke my heart for us,we were the only family left and now we were torn apart again.
I made a final attempt at turning them away,
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"Yeosup is really sick. He always has a high fever. He needs to be cared for all the time.Would you really wanna adopt a child like that?,I asked,a tiny part of me wanting them to say yes and the other part of me wanting them to say no.
I still vividly remember the couple.
They looked caring and nurturing,someone you could rely on especially the mother.
Her maroon coloured floral dress smelled like lavinder,she had her hair tied in a chignon hairstyle.
Although her hair was neatly tied, she kept tucking her hair behind her ear again and again and this made her look angelic,as if I could trust her with my baby brother.
What she said to me finally confirmed how she would be the perfect mother for my Yeosuppi."
A family is all about being their for each other in sickness and in health.isn't it?
She comforted me by putting her hand on my hand.I noticed a unique butterfly tattoo on her hand,the tattoo was eye catching, the red butterfly sitting on a black rose was dexterously drawn on her hand.
I took her hands in mine and asked her,"Ahjumma,you will take care of my brother,right?"
She nodded her head in assurance.
Thats the day I saw Yeosup for the last time.I was torn by the separation but he will atleast have a family to rely on.
Please grow well and always be happy,I left a note for him. Flashback ends-----
I let out a trail of muffled cries,scared that I might wake him up I rushed away from the room.The lights in the room were shut the only source of light was the one coming from the dorm hall.
A strange feeling gripped me, and in that dimness, I couldn't discern if it was reality or a figment of my imagination.
As I rushed away, fearing I might awaken him, a thought lingered — did Hyunjin, in that brief moment, open his eyes? The uncertainty clung to me, leaving me to wonder if he was listening to me all this while.
