tony stark whump

"shut up, tony."

tony has a bad history with being told to shut up, and the avengers make it worse

set after avengers; everyone lives in the tower bla bla

tw: self-hatred, ptsd, selective mutism 

~NO POV~

Tony Stark loved to talk. He loved to talk to his friends, to his bots, to JARVIS. He loved to talk to the point it pissed off random businessmen, random people in general. He didn't care when people told him to shut up, because they weren't important to him.

It did hurt, though, when people he cared about shouted at him. It hurt when Howard told him to shut up for anything and everything, when Obadiah got fed up of him rambling about his projects, when his teachers yelled at him for talking too much, when the older students around him got tired of him running his mouth.

He didn't care about his teachers or classmates, but back then, he was young and more emotional, so it hurt. But as he grew up, when Howard was gone, he learned to not care. If people weren't important, it didn't matter if they told him to shut up.

He reacted badly when people he cared about told him to shut up. For a little while, after being told to shut up, he would stay quiet. He wouldn't talk at all. It was usually Jarvis who broke him out of his silence.

He was a lot more quiet when he was a teenager, just because it seemed like everyone around him hated the sound of his voice. He became less quiet in MIT. Rhodey could handle his never-ending rambling. But the reaction he had to being told to shut up was different with Rhodey. It was worse, and eye-opening.

See, it wasn't Rhodey's fault. It was exam season, and Tony found it easier to study and revise by speaking aloud. Rhodey was the opposite, preferring to revise in silence, the only thing he could listen to was music. 

Rhodey had never told Tony to shut up, not harshly. He only ever said it affectionately, and Tony knew that. But this one time, Rhodey just couldn't handle it. The stress of exams was getting to him and Tony's voice was just too much. He was patient with Tony, always. This time, he couldn't be.

"Would you just shut up, Tony. I can't study like this. I need you to shut up for once in your life, please." 

Tony stilled. He physically stilled, and he wanted to apologise. He wanted to say sorry, say he didn't mean to bother Rhodey. He wanted to explain, but that would just be more annoying. So he nodded, and then he realised he couldn't revise like this either.

So he went to the field to study, and he was going to talk to himself, because that helped. But he couldn't. He had done this a lot when he was at home, but this felt worse. He chose to be silent at home, but here, he couldn't talk. He couldn't speak.

He put his hand on his throat and felt his vocal chords. They were there, obviously. He wasn't suddenly voiceless because of a physical injury. He couldn't talk and there was no explanation why, and he was panicking. He was panicking because he couldn't talk.

He couldn't talk.

He didn't return to his dorm until he knew Rhodey was fast asleep. And when Rhodey woke up in the morning, Tony pretended to be asleep. He couldn't let Rhodey know that he had fucked up and somehow gone mute.

It took weeks of avoidance for Rhodey to realise what was wrong. He tried talking to Tony, but Tony was dismissive, always going off to study. Rhodey thought it was fine, because exams were important and they could go back to normal after. But then exams were over and Tony was still avoiding him.