After Life

44

"Would you please calm the fuck down?" Harry begged, pulling my hands apart from nervously twisting together as we walked.

I huffed in annoyance, partly at myself and partly at his interference in my little inner turmoil, but I let him separate my hands from their mission of fidgeting endlessly as we navigated the streets towards the Arts building. I expected him to release me after forcefully pulling my hands apart, but in keeping with his habit of always keeping me on edge, his hand remained gripped with my own, lacing our fingers together as we turned the next corner.

Normally, this little development would set me into yet another tailspin of questions. Why is he holding my hand? What is he trying to convey? Does he even realize he does these things and how much they fuck with my mind? But currently, I was much too distracted. Because currently, we were on route to the exhibit of graduating students, where my project with Harry would be displayed to the faculty and prospective employers.

In reality, I expected him to be even more nervous than me. Considering his intense dislike for attention, and his violent refusal to anything related to his past and his scars, I fully expected him to back out from accompanying me tonight. Or even if he didn't cancel on me, of him at least being moody and mercurial considering the setting.

But he had been nothing but supportive since we left dinner with my family, saying our goodbyes and heading across the city towards the Arts building. The exhibit was to open at six, and the closer we got to the site, the more tense and anxious I became.

Harry stayed quiet for the most part, glancing over at me occasionally to find me increasingly nervous and jumpy as my mind created the million and one scenarios that may occur during the night. Everything from my work being viewed as complete rubbish, and Harry throwing a fit, to being offered my dream job, and me fainting on the floor. There were so many possibilities for how this night could go, and the unknown was the worst part of it. I had no control over anything from this point out, and just had to find some small form of chill, and be confident that what we had created together would be viewed as deeply and moving as I felt it was.

We walked in a tense silence for the last few blocks, Harry staring straight ahead, guiding me through the streets as I was distracted in my own little world. As the lights of the Arts building came into view, I paused in my tracks, my nerves reaching an all time high. Harry was jerked back by my hand in his, halting his motion.

Turning to find me with an inevitable deer in the headlights expression, he sighed, before guiding me to the side of the sidewalk and out of the way of other passers by.

"Lane, listen to me," he said, placing his hands on my upper arms, dipping his head down into my eye line. "Your project is amazing, okay? I have absolutely no doubt that it will get rave reviews, and everything will be fine. I know you're psyching yourself out right now, but just try and enjoy this okay? Whatever happens, happens."

I swallowed loudly, nodding my head mechanically at his words without ever really taking them in. I knew he was right, but at that moment, all I could think about was the impact this one night could have on my future. That thought alone, even apart from the project mark, how many photos were featured and all those other details, was terrifying. So many students put their faith in this one night, and if it didn't work out, where did you turn next? How do you even start?

"Hey," Harry called, his hands releasing my arms to place themselves on either side of my face. He put his face right in front of me, giving me no choice but to look into his eyes. "Breathe."

On command, I exhaled, my breath blowing across his face, causing his hair to ruffle. He chucked, before taking my hand again and leading me towards the lights of the building that held my fate.