After Life

14

I rushed around the moderate space in a frantic state. My hands constantly busied themselves moving lighting, even if only an inch, adjusting backdrops, setting up my camera. I had been here for over an hour already, meticulously going over every tiny detail in preparation for the biggest, and without a doubt most nerve wracking, shoot I had done yet.

The title of 'biggest' photo shoot was easy. This project dictated my future, both in this program and college, and possible career opportunities after graduation. Since graduation was only mere months away, the pressure was on to produce the best work I could in a relative short time frame.  The fact it had taken me nearly three weeks to even get to this point in this assignment was daunting, and I knew I had no time to waste in getting the first few preliminary images completed, edited, and submitted.

The aspect of this being the most 'nerve wracking' shoot I had done was left solely on the shoulders of the subject. Harry had agreed to pose for me, despite the fact I knew whole heartedly he did not want to participate in this venture. I knew his agreement probably had something to do with my tears and overall pathetic demeanor that afternoon he had run into me in the hall after class. With my tear stained cheeks, swollen eyes and snow soaked jeans, I was a sad sight.

But regardless of his reasons, he had agreed. And as much as I had expected him in the days following to back out, he hadn't. He had stood by his word to pose for me, just as I had stood by my word to ask no questions. It was his one, simple request. And if I wanted to ensure he did in fact follow through with his side of this agreement, it was the least I could do.

But my mind was racing with questions nevertheless, even if I was forbidden to ask them. Why had he agreed? Was it only because I was such a pathetic little thing with my wet pants and hopeless future? Was it because of my repeated subtle mentions that he was still, despite hours of attempting to find a new subject, the only thing that captivated me enough to want to photograph? Thought after thought ran through my mind leading up to today, the day we would shoot in the small school studio, finally capturing the first few images that would begin my project.

Harry and I had exchanged numbers that afternoon after he had agreed to help me. I had learned, after he typed his number into my phone with a slight frown, that his last name was Styles. Harry Styles. It was quite a pleasant name, the more I said it over in my mind. We had exchanged the occasional message in the following days, mainly confirming the whens and where's of our shoot, and what was expected of Harry. I could tell even via text that he was nervous, and did my best to assure him. 

All he had to do was show up. I was just hoping I had the nerve and skill to make the rest happen.

This morning I had awoken even before the sun. The light in my room was dim, mainly from the streetlights outside my window casting a faint yellow glow over the shadowy items in my room. Usually, my body would reject such a wake up time, rolling over and falling right back into a peaceful slumber. But this morning was different. It was like my mind, and body, knew how much was riding on today.

I laid in bed for hours, going over various poses, lighting, and other options that I could use with Harry during our shoot. Beyond just the attractive subject, there were many aspects one needed to pay attention to if they wanted to create a good image. You could have the best photograph in the world, subject wise, but if the lightening was absolute shit, casting shadows over the eyes or losing details in the face, you lost all credibility.