After Life

24

My fingers tapped incessantly on the blue folder under my hand. My eyes were focused forward, my chin resting in the opposite hand, gazing over the top of my MacBook as professor Murray rambled on about current trends in photographic exhibitions and their impact on what was to come in our own presentations. Granted, it was an interesting lecture, but my mind was constantly distracted. I found it continuing to wander, no matter how hard I tried to focus. And it always made its way back to the same subject.

Harry.

It had been almost a week since I had last spoken to him. Since that afternoon in my apartment, when his help with my project statement somehow turned into a twisted confessional. Since our already tense and awkward relationship took a step forward with our agreement to become friends, but then two steps back after his temperamental display. That always seemed to be our exchanges...one step forward, two steps back.

After peeling my water logged self from the tub that evening, I silently helped Mia with a simple dinner, before turning my focus back to my project statement. Even though my thoughts were even more jumbled about the assignment than they had been before Harrys 'help', I knew I had to complete it, and it had to be tonight. If I didn't, I would find myself the night before, pouring over the pages, frantically trying to come up with how best to word what I felt.

I was on a roll, of sorts, thanks to Harry's way of writing. It was different, I had to hand it to him. But so far, it had been effective. I needed to edit what we had produced into something a little more eloquent, but overall, it was exactly what I wanted to say.

After explaining the technique to Mia, she took a seat on the couch, my laptop on her legs, taking Harrys place from earlier. I mimicked my previous routine of reading the question aloud, closing my eyes, and speaking. It was surprisingly simple. Even more so with Mia than it had been when Harry was the one sitting next to me.

How did I plan on portraying the qualities of Harry's suitability in my work? That one was easy. Simplicity. Many students put too much effort into post production. Fancy photo shopping, editing, intense lighting during shooting. All to create a dramatic effect. All to impose a quality that maybe wasn't naturally there with the subject.

That wasn't going to be my focus. Harry had a quality about him that drew you in naturally, without any additional effort on my part. He made it incredibly simple, really, for me to produce what it was I needed. Despite his hostility, mind you. At first, his natural physical attractiveness caught your attention. Once your eyes were on him, you took him in. It didn't take long for you to start to question him; why did he look like that? For someone who young, so beautiful, why did he look so lost? With each of the images I had taken, the settings, backgrounds and lighting had all been natural. Nothing set up, nothing imposed. It was all Harry.  He evoked thought, and questions, all of which you wouldn't get an answer to. He was secretive in person, and that quality translated naturally onto film.

What theme, if any, did I plan to follow? Again, it was an easy answer. Much easier than trying to explain what it was that drew me to Harry in the first place, and continued to draw me in despite his tendency to push me away. My theme was loss. Because that was what you felt when you took in at the look in his eyes. It was only there when he didn't know he was being watched. When he knew you were looking, his walls were up. But if you were able to catch him in his own thoughts, his own escape within his mind from everything around him, you saw it. Something he kept inside, that tormented him. It was sad, and forlorn, and made you want to ask why. But of course, you couldn't. Which only made you ask more questions, and want to know even more. A vicious cycle, produced with a simple look.