After Life

36

"Okay, just relax," I said, rubbing my temples. "This is no big deal. You've done this a million times. Stop thinking about it so much, and just let it happen,"

I stared at the books in front of me, leaning over again as I started re-reading the sentence I had tried to read for the last five minutes. As I read the words, I said them aloud, hoping that by engaging another sense, it would help me retain the information.

All it seemed to do was piss Mia off.

"For the love of God, would you please shut the fuck up!?" she shouted, tossing her pen cap at me.

"I can't help it!" I finally yelled, tossing my book onto the couch beside me. Leaning my head back, I groaned, covering my face with my hands. "I just can't seem to concentrate."

"Well, I could, if you weren't muttering to yourself constantly for the last fucking hour!" she spat, turning back to the books she had on the coffee table.

We had both made little study nests in the living room since coming home from class that afternoon. Finals were to begin next week, and we had decided to start our marathon study sessions tonight. In preparations, we had ordered in Chinese, put on our most comfortable, most embarrassing pajamas that we only wore when we were in need of absolute comfort, and hauled out all the notes, books and texts we would require.

So far, we had been at it for over three hours, and all we had finished was the fucking Chinese food.

I ignored her, my tired eyes focusing on the ceiling above me. My brain was exhausted, my mind jumbled, and I knew it was partly because of my lack of sleep the night before.

After getting off the phone with Harry, I was still unable to sleep. Because then, not only did I have my own internal conflict raging within me, but now I couldn't help the clench in my chest any time I thought about him describing us walking around Seattle together. It hurt, because part of me felt like he was picturing a life together that I knew nothing of, just as I was picturing a life with him that he knew nothing of. It was a vicious circle with no end.

Or, what was more probable, was that I was transferring my own newly discovered emotions on to him, and reading way too much in to everything he said and did now. Which was so typically female I wanted to slap myself across the face. Hard. With a chair.

I drug myself out of bed that morning after a fitful night, and barely made it through my classes that seemed to drag on more endlessly than they usually did. Finally, when released from my purgatory, I made the long trek home and directly into my bed. I was worried that my busy, Harry filled mind wouldn't allow me sleep yet again, but I was so exhausted I fell asleep quickly.

I woke just before dinner to the sound of Mia banging on my door, telling me of her study plan for the evening. Thus prompted me to roll out of bed, put on pajamas, order food, and gather my books.

My study nest was a lovely little setting over the couch, with papers, books and notes scattered on both sides of me, as well as a few on the coffee table. Mia, on the other hand, preferred the floor, in which she literally had notes, books and texts in a complete circle around her. In her mind, she was surrounding herself with knowledge. In my mind, she had lost all chill.