After Life

40

By the time I found myself out on the street, I was anxious, nauseous and excited. I wasn't sure which emotion would win out in the end, but it didn't matter anymore. Because I couldn't do anything about it anymore. It was done. Apart from the few exams I had to take over the coming week, all my cards had been dealt.

I started the long walk home, the warm spring breeze ruffling my hair across my face. The sun was angled low in the sky, evening in full force at the end of a busy Saturday. The streets of the city were busy, everyone out and enjoying the warmth that we had been denied for so long during a rather rough winter.

I had barely made it three blocks from the Arts building, when I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. Pulling it out, I couldn't hide the shock on my face when I read the message.

Harry: Hey

My lips pulled down into a frown, as I paused in the middle of the sidewalk. A short, Asian man ran into the back of me, both of us immediately uttering apologies before I moved to the side, leaning against the side of a building to focus on my phone out of the line of pedestrian traffic.

Hey? That was what he was going to say to me? Fucking hey? He owed me a whole lot more than a bloody hey!

Huffing with immediate annoyance, I responded.

Me: Hey

It didn't take long for him to write back.

Harry: I just wanted to say I'm sorry for the other day. I should never have left you the way I did, and it kills me to know I hurt you that way.

The air was pulled from my lungs as I read his admission, feeling the tightening in my chest that came with his words. I was annoyed that this conversation was happening via text, rather than in person, but I knew Harry. Saying these things at all was hard for him, so in most respects, you had to learn to take what you got from him.

He had made such strides over the last month, not only in his mood and temper, but in his honesty. When we first met, he was a one word answer man. Never speaking his feelings, and rarely giving me the honesty I needed. He had been trying to change, and in light of that, I owed him the same.

Me: I wish you hadn't left

Harry: Me too

Me: Can we talk about what happened?

Harry: to be honest, Lane, I just kind of want to leave it

My eyes widened, shock coupled with a ripple of rejection sliding over me. He wanted to leave it? How did you fucking leave something like that? How did you just move on, saying nothing of it? I knew I wasn't capable of that, and I never thought he would be either.

Before I had a chance to respond, he sent another message.

Harry: It was completely my fault. I was upset and emotional, and I lost my head. I would never want to jeopardize my friendship with you, and I'm sorry I put you in that position